Butterfly Kisses

They are sweet
Light
And make you shudder
They are warm
Tingly
And make you wonder
Not just anyone can give them
There's a special way to do it

You must want to
They must want to recieve them
They must want to give them to you

You must crave to
They must crave to receive them
They must crave to give them to you

These are not just your ordinary kisses
They flutter over your body
They make you smile
They make you feel sexy

They make you want to get closer
To finally feel what they have led you to want

Oh, how I'd love to have butterfly kisses like these.

Wouldn't you?

ASSHOLES

I'm sorry, I know I usually talk about the good in my life and the world but today I have to focus in on a few pieces of shit!

Now, I know that I've not been all squeaky clean at what I've dont in my life but I'll be the first one to say it. I can claim to my mistakes. I can be woman enough to own up to the shit and bull I've pulled my 30 years of living. What gets me are those that think they are right about every asinine thing they do.

Okay, for one, how in the hell do you expect a guy to respect you when you don't respect yourself? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I've been in this situation, but I learned to respect ME! And in doing this I dropped all ASSHOLES that tried their best to down me when they had the chance.

I have seen some stupid, stupid females sit here and wonder why they are being fucked, slapped and then tossed to the side. You want to know why? BECAUSE YOU ALLOW THEM TO!

You got guys that claim they are MEN! LMMFAO...Yeah, okay, men whip out that brain you carry in your backpocket and then maybe , just maybe we'll talk. Then on top of that you stick your dick everywhere but in the sun and then when a kid pops up you wanna start with, "I hear she been with so-and-so." Muthafucker you been with her too, so just cut the fucking bullshit, get like Trey, sopen your mouth and say ahhhhh! Then wham bam you're either the father or you're not. Stop claiming the kid one fucking moment then when you get mad you want to push the child off on some guy from the girls past. My daughter has a crew of brothers and sisters  but you dont see me crying and acting like a what? ASSHOLE! I moved the fuck on and I'm oh so damn happy. (Thanks Sweetie) *Muah*

If you're shaking your head saying I'm wrong FUCK YOU TOO! I know what I'm talking about and the hell I've been through!

There are females out here that think they can't do any better than they already are! Don't think this way. This is how the dipshits I was talking about in the previous excerpt find you and prey on you. Women have more strength mentally, and emotionally than men! Women are stronger in the mind but those that allow a few sweet words and a cute smile or a car lure them in and then be used for whatever they want!

I can honestly say that I fell a few times. I wouldn't listen to my parents because I thought I knew better. I thought I knew all I needed to know about being adult, but I didn't. I forgot the first rule to being an intelligent adult and that's RESPECTING THEM MY PARENTS. I did things that I later on confessed to my mom about and I could  have probably taken that shit to the grave but I am an adult, I can face my mom and talk about anything now. I talk to my mom just about everyday because she is my friend and I respect her opinion. She raised me. She took care of my kids when I couldn't. She gave me money when I needed it. She may have argued a bit but nonetheless she helped me and she still helps me. My parents continue to help me when I need it, even if I dont ask they help. But it starts there.

I still may slip and say the wrong thing or act out a little but I know it and I can be adult about my shit. Can you? Can any of the one's you know that claim they are?

I recently went through some shit and I didnt think I would ever bounce back but I did. I got my self together and did what I had to do for me and my girls. My girls are my life! I may have a guy but who knows how long he'll be in my life. Family is always there unless you act like an ASSHOLE and push them aside for OUTSIDE ASSHOLES that dont mean you any good! Yeah, there are good friends that got you when you're in a bind or when you need an ear to listen  to you but best friends come a dime a dozen. And when you overlook who care for you, you deserve to suffer in the way that you are suffering. You should be crying your eyes out and you should be confused as to why your life SUCKS! You made it that way. You decided to do what you wanted to do instead of what you should do and now you're looking like a what? AN ASSHOLE, not knowing how you're going to get by with the little that you have.

Okay, okay, I'm done now. LOL I've been happy going on two years now. I've met new people that have been positive staples in my life. I've even found old friends that brought have made my smile even brighter and I thank them from my heart. I thank God that I've lived this long to realize what path I'm supposed to be on. The one that he has planned. He's even allowed me to see what I can have if I continue to do right. And yes, he knows I'm not going to always do what he wants but he's given me the mind to know and correct myself. To see things through and try not to go that way again. It's all in who you are and if you want to be better or remain the same.

This is the end of my rant. I apologize for the rabid profanity. Not really, sometimes that's what it takes to make a person open their eyes?

-Nikki

Do You Know Love?

I am currently writing a book that has completely turned me into a maniac. When you write about love and pain, you usually write part of your experiences within the story right? Not me, I’m writing how I would have loved my love life to have went.


Falling in love? Why is it called “falling in love”? I have wondered that for so long. I think falling in love is when you finally realize you’re in love and if that is true then what is it called when you don’t love that person anymore? How can you fall any further than you’ve already fallen, which is in love?

What is it called when love is no longer in the picture?

I am going to be honest because for one, I don’t want to lie about this even though it may be painful to talk about. And for two, because this is my blog and I can say whatever the hell I want to say.

I can say that in my 30 years of living I have only loved (the opposite sex) twice.

In primary it was a boy that was totally out of reach. That was puppy love so it actually does not count. I got my first true boyfriend in high school and ruined it because his friend asked me for my number. Yeah, I was dumb then too. Ended up with my now 14 year old daughter that I love to death.

But I found my first true love in college. He was a truly loving man that would have been a great catch for any woman. I thought he was that one for me, but I just couldn’t be what and who he wanted or better yet needed. I don’t love to drink, but I like to drink at times. He was the type that didn’t drink and didn’t care to go out much. UNLESS, I was going out also. I never cared for the stuffy, always around kind of guy. Now don’t get me wrong I did care for him deeply, I even had to voice myself a few times about other females but in the end he was not for me. He was not the one I was growing up to love. I did appreciate the way he treated me. He was never rude towards me and he always respected me even when I was being a total bitch, but again, he didn’t get me. I am a very loud, laughing, quick-to-crack-a-joke kind of girl. I was not what he needed and he was not what I needed. I loved him though. My family loved him. My mother adored him. But it did not last. And even though we are no longer friends I still wish him the best.

I had to think about how I would know if I were truly and irrevocably in love. It took me a while to think about it. To fully see what traits I had to find within me and them to say that I was in love. It was hard. I mean very very strenuous for me. I had to bang my head up against a wall and after I was dizzy from the hits to my medulla I heard the “ding” go off. Oh, you know that “ding”, the one that says “you got it. You finally got it.” Yeah, I found it. I figured out how I know love when I had it.

True love is without judgment. It never looks away when you’re at your worse. It embraces you when even your arms can’t hold you tight enough. The warmth it radiates down to the coldest part of your center. You know you have love when you know in your heart that you can’t live without it. When that person is away from you for even a day and you can’t help but wonder how they are doing. Are they okay? Are they as happy doing whatever as you are? Are they thinking of you just as much as you are thinking of them? Love does not have a limit. Love is in fact truly infinite.

Now don’t mistake love for idiocy. I did and it’s not pretty. You do the most dumb things for what you think love is. You buy things. You accept things you put up with mistreatment of who you are and so on and so on. This is not love, it’s just loneliness and you’ll do anything to have someone with you. Including disrespecting yourself. I did it, and I’ll admit to my stupidity. It’s one thing to know you were wrong in your choices but when you know and continue to let them happen then you’re just pathetic. I know a few people like this. I know a few that think they are so smart at allowing their men to walk all over them. *shakes head* I have nothing to say on that one.

But I do know love. NOW, I do know love. I know how to love. I was taught to love me first. And however in loving me I learned to treat my man in that same token. Give him the love that I hold only for him. Allow him to see that when it all comes down he is the one that I need by my side. I have discovered some things in this year. I found out that when you are not searching for love it will come to you easily. That if you were truly meant to be a part of someone’s life in that way then you will be. Nothing will keep you apart from them. Love is a word, yes, but the affects and emotions given behind that word is what makes it the most powerful. And you can say, “Well, she must be in love to write about this”. And perhaps I am but I was in lust once and I know about that also. It’s nothing to lust after someone, but to feel more for that person, to understand that when they are sad you are also? It’s totally different. It’s new, and you’ll guard it with your heart.


I close in saying love is within each person’s heart. It’s the choice inside of us that we allow that love to grow or to rot into a festering evil. I refuse. I refuse to allow my heart to be tainted by evil, hurt and or pain. I will continue to learn and grow for me and for whoever I’m suppose to love.

Can you say at this point in your life that you know love?
-Nikki

The Weekend

Yes, it's the weekend so it's time to rest and think about what the week brought to you. How you are blessed to still be on this earth and even if your job sucks you have one! Sometimes we let things get to us and bring us down, it's not impossible to let this happen but it is possible to work through it.

I have a friend that is trying to work through somethings and I realized that in the midst of me praying now for patience and understanding, and good health for my family, I now add to my prayer that they work through the things that have them down. I don't want them hurt and in pain because they are part of my circle. They are part of what makes me feel complete. Some may look down on what I say and as me growing into who I am I can honestly say I dont care about that anymore. I have those that I keep close to me. Those that make me feel like I can do better. That doing the things I do and saying the things I say do in fact help them along in some way.

So, I will end this weekend with a few words for my loved ones.

I ask nothing of  you
I only ask that those I hold dear are safe
That you touch them somehow and relieve their pain
That in some way you show them that you are there with them
That in doing the right thing they sometimes go through the bad
I ask that you listen to them
Hear there problems
See that they are trying and that they are willing
Again, still, I ask of nothing for myself
You have shown me that this world is not about me
It's about all of us as a whole
I am here because of you
I am asking for you to bless them because you taught me to be this way
You showed me that there is no room for selfishness
Only love
So, it's with all the love I carry in my heart
All the love that you have blessed me with
I ask you to watch over them
Bless them

-Amen



Nikki Frierson, 2010