In the Ring.

Make what you say and what you do count!

Never settle.
Never gracefully bow out!
Meet your problem blow for blow.
Let it know that you will not go down easily.
That you will fight.
And even if you in the end lose you did fight
You became a witness to your own future.
You allowed yourself to take control of what you want.

~Nikki Frierson

Ever Thought About It?

Ever took the time to just wonder? You know, just think about all that you are and all that you have yet to become? Have you taken the time to actually see yourself? Not looking into a mirror at your reflection, but to SEE yourself? To see what kind of man or woman you have become? That when you look back you did what you thought was right in every detail of who you are. Every note written. Every word uttered. Every person kissed. Every minute that ticked away was part of what you are now? It’s only right that you look into yourself and find that core of you. To cut through all the bullshit and drama and realize you are who you are for a reson. Your purpose on this earth at this time is to do more than you are doing now.

I’ve become aggravated with who I am because I realize that who I am is not who I want to be. I want to tell family and friends when they are complete and just out right assholes of this world. I want to tell someone in a department store that “hell no, that is not a good look on you.” I want to sit down in front of someone and have no barriers in what I have to say. It becomes part of us to hold back how we feel and what we want. And in doing that we’re holding back part of us.

Life is about living and if you don’t live now you wont ever. There are no do-overs. No re-dos in this! You can't die and then come back and say “Oh, well I did that last time, let’s try it this way this time.” Yeah, no, that is not how it goes. So if you don’t do it now while you have it on your mind then STOP THINKING ABOUT IT! Let the thought go and go on about your life. Don’t regret not doing it, just move on!

Today, I am going to take my own advice. I’m going to move on. I’m not going to dwell on what ifs and shoulda coulda wouldas. It’s not going to benefit me any. Besides its better this way. I just felt that I needed to say that. I needed to put that out there into the universe and say my piece. Why not right? *laughs*



Love you all.

Nikki

Just in Case....

If you never stand in front of me I can still say that I’ve seen you

If I never hear your voice I can say that I’ve listened to you
If I never hold you close I can say that you’re near
When it’s all said and done I can say that I witnessed something special
I saw you
I heard you
And I felt you
I cherished what I did have
What we did share
So, If ever you were wondering did I care
This should tell you that with all that I am I will…always


Nikki Frierson

Am I Selfish?

I’m not selfish am I? If I am I don’t mean to be. I just think that somewhere sometime and at some point in my life I should actually get what I want. Is that really too much? I don’t want to be this way but I’m tired of thinking of everyone else and I always become the one looked over.


I always give my attention to those that need it. I make sure that they have my ear when they speak, my eyes when they write or my arms if they need embracing. I don’t know why I’m so in tune to others when they hurt or when they are going through things. I wonder then if those that I listen to and comfort would do the same for me? I wonder if ever they heard my voice or read my words know that I needed their attention. Would they feel a piercing pain in their chest of the hurt that I feel?

I don’t think I’ve ever found anyone that really gets what I’m saying. They don’t see where I’m coming from because they are not in my shoes. They might have been where I’ve been but they have not stood in the place that I stand.

I’ve listened to people in love and not know what to do. I’ve listened to people wanting to just throw it all away because of one idea. They were willing to give it all up because of just an idea. I know lovers that are so afraid of being alone they neglect to tell the other that the lover they desire is not them!

I mean come on!

Can I get one man that will take me and make me see that he is the one? That will be aggressive with me in showing me how much he loves me as well as how good of a lover he is for me? No, I don’t want a jealous man, but I know that we as women do want a man to show that we are theirs! Not a possession but an important part of his life. Because I’ll say now I’m going to show it! I’m going to show it in my smile and how red my face gets when he calls me, writes me, holds me and even makes love to me. Oh, I will show it because it was shown towards me. I want passion is that too much to ask? I don’t think so because if I can show it to him then he can show it to me.

Anyway, this is what I’m saying , I don’t think there are any out there that actually hear me! I do have one friend that has been listening and she and I have been going through a few of the same scenarios, and I thank her so much! But it still amazes me that we have to cut through the bullshit to get to that one that was meant for us!

I have never put my love life before my family! I’ve always been here for them and I will never put them aside but damn can I at least find someone that enjoys me? That will understand my love for writing? That will say hey, I read some of your stuff and I loved it can you write something for me? Yeah, that’ll never happen. But I can wish right? *laughs* I sound pathetic huh? NOPE! I sound REAL! As real as every other woman out there who feels what I feel they just haven’t said it! Or they have and no one listened. Well, I understand! I get you.

*kisses and hugs*

Love you,
Nikki

Miguel featuring J.Cole - All I Want Is You ft. J.Cole

I love this song. So I decided instead of posting an entry that I would post this video. Thank you guys and have a great Friday!

Just Me

The things that I hear. The things that I read, I get pissed. My face becomes red and my hands begin to shake. I don’t know what to do or say because I’m at a loss for words. No, I take that back I know what I want to say but I don’t, some things are better left unsaid. They would make the situation more complicated and me more furious than I had been previously. But I’m me. I’m the one that has a good head on her shoulders. I have the answer even if no one wants it. Even if they ask for it. I’m very careful in how and what I say. Sometimes you can break someone’s heart and not even know it. You can stop a person’s breath even when you see their chest moving to a staedy pace. I want to be a good friend and I want to say what’s in my head but I don’t. I don’t tell them straight forward. I normally reword it and it allows them to see what I’m saying without me actually saying it. I can’t say that I have not ever put my Jordan in my mouth before but I do think before saying. And sometimes if it’s said then it was meant for me to say it.


I had been going through some things for a while and lately they have been heavy on my mind. I realized early this morning that I am who I am for a reason. The decisions I make are made for a reason. I help those that ask me for a reason. I am a friend. I am a true friend for a reason. I make no apologies for what I say because I know that if I don’t say it then I’ll be doing a disservice to my friend. If I don’t give them what they ask for, and that is my point of view, then I’m selling THEM short, not me. I can’t have that, I must be honest with them. I may lose friends but with every one that I lose two will takes its place. Not that I want so many but true and honest friends are hard to come by.

Love you friends. And I always will.


Nikki

Your Acceptance

What happens when you love? I mean what really happens when you feel this emotion strongly in your heart? How do you cope with the end result? I’ve witnessed love that can toss you on your ass but you get up again. Although there are some that you cannot bounce back from as easily. Pain is part of life. You don’t appreciate the good without knowing part of the bad. Sometimes what you do that is bad may require forgiveness and you must accept if they can or can’t. Won’t or don’t. But what makes your heart free from pain is that you did what you were supposed to do. You stood up and held your ground. You did your part. It’s up to them to find it in their heart to forgive you.


I’ve always wanted a love that was so intense that I would forever be elated and filled with happiness but I realized that you cannot always receive what you want. And what you want does not always make you happy. One’s happiness can be totally different from another’s. Where one is head-over-heels the other is just infatuated. At one time I could see the beauty in wanting someone. To feel them in my hands and hear their voice in my ear. But then I got it. I got the fact that whatever is for me it will be. I can’t push because if I do I will end up with nothing. I will in fact be more alone than I thought I was already.

But you know, I do love with an intense passion. I can’t help it. I want him to know all that I am is because of him. That all I want to have, I want to share with him. I want to sense his unhappiness when I’m not even around. I want to feel his heartbeat within mine. To hold his scent from his t-shirt that I wear to bed if he’s not home. That way even when I can’t feel him around me I can have him around me. For him to say how much he loves me in the midst of his friends and family, that makes a woman like me feel that final acceptance.

To have passion in anything shows your dedication to it. I have a passion for my words. I don’t feel right if I can’t use them to express how I feel. Them, like him, makes me whole. He understands what they mean to me. He adores how I can say things and they mean so much. That’s why I do it. I could do other things to get his attention but I choose to talk to him. To give him me through letters, words, sentences, paragraphs, and pages. I want him to understand who I am. Who I am to him. Who I am for him. You can’t think a man will be your protector unless you are his also. You can’t expect him to hold your heart and not break it if you can’t hold his and end up shattering it. As women we want so much but we give so little. We talk about finding a real man but what about them finding a real woman? We real women are scarce and are hardly ever found. Men try to find their perfect love in places they should not look and when it goes south they wonder why it went crossed-eyed.

I can’t hunt for a man. I’m a predator but not in that way. I seek out what is mine to begin with. How will I know he’s mine? He will tell me. He will hold me in his arms and tell me that I am who he’s waited for. That I am the one that he breathes for. That his heart beats because I brought it to life. But men are not as verbal so you have to read what they do and how they do it. What they do should talk to you loud and clear. You just have to listen. And vice versa. He will give you all of him if he feels that you have done the same towards him.


Nikki Frierson