I FOUND IT...

Dear, 

I thought that what we had was special. I was sure that we were going to go further with this. That you and I would be making plans together. That after we made it through this we would finally see the finish line. I don't blame you and I don't blame myself, but I do wish that it would not have ended the way that it did. I didn't mean to make you mad and storm from the house. I was so stubborn that I didn't follow you out the door and make you finish having your say but I thought you were coming back. I knew in my heart that you were going to turn around, come back and say that you were wrong and I was right, but you didn't. You didn't come back. Sweetheart you left me that day I know you had every intent to return and after we had calmed down we would hold each other and apologize for every word we said to hurt one another.

But you didn't return. I waited for you the entire night and figured you needed more time than usual. When the phone rang I assumed it was you saying that you were on your way home. That you had called to say that no matter what you loved me. That no matter the subject you would always return home. But it wasn't you. It was a stranger. A woman on the other line. Her voice was calm when she spoke her piece. As i fell to my knees I felt my heart break. The air abandoned my body and I was left gasping. Ciutching the phone I listened to every word.

I listened as she explained what she had done and how no matter how much she tried you left her too. Once she was finished I left the phone on the floor and curled into a ball. I held myself like I knew you would. I tried to think of the things that you would have said to soothe my pain but it wasnt the same. It would never be the same. Will never be the same.

Just think sweetheart, if only we had not argued you would have been here with me. But that day you got into your car you had no idea that there would be another car headed towards you. You never thought that you would ever see me again. We thought that it would be the same as always. You'd leave and come back calm. We'd say we were sorry and hold each other. Not this time. This time you left and didn't come back. Now I'm here in this bed with pillows behind me and our son in my arms crying. They said that the accident was not your fault. That the oncoming car was in the wrong lane and to not hit them you hit a tree instead. My heart aches every time I pass it and we placed a marker there with your name on it. 

You will always hold my heart like no other. Your love was, no is like no other. I pray that you and I will see each other again, but for now all I can do is go on raising our son and letting him know that his father was a great man. Full of strength, laughter and love. I know these things because you showed me everyday that we were together. 

I want you to know that after you left me that day I had found your ring. It was on the floor beside the nightstand. The same nightstand you said you had paced it on the night before.