Perhaps I'm Dreaming.

I always thought of adult life as the "thing". You know, growing up, driving, clubbing, dating. sex. all those things that now you look back on and say uhhhh maybe I should have waited. Sometimes I laugh and say "man can I go back to college?" or "How about turning back to high school." You look back on your life and wonder if you made the right choices or are you still screwing up your live even more. I used to do that till I realized that my life is not my own. No matter what I have planned in my head if that is not part of God's plan for me then it will not happen.

I grew up despising marriage. I never wanted it. Too much drama. Arguing all the time about small things that were of no consequence in the long run. I didn't want kids because I did not want to subject them to bullshit and the pain and anger that I grew up having. Never know me to have that mentality now would you? Because I learned that I can laugh and smile and do whatever the hell I wanted. I have two precious girls that I would die for. I have a great mom that I would take out anyone who'd harm her (yes, family included). I have a baby sister that is growing up to be a great young woman (minus some of her crazy choices. LOL) And way back when I had a friend that I thought was going to be my husband but that didn't work out as planned. It seems that when you are always with someone when you are finally apart for more than a few months you start to re-think your future. But I see now that he would not have made me as happy as I am with the guy that I talk to now. No, he and I are not serious right now, but that does not change that he makes me smile in a day. It does not change the fact that he respects me for who I am and what I want to do.

It goes to show you that no matter what you plan for yourself when you're young and dumb 'thinking' you're smart, that may not be the path that you're supposed to take. You are probably going to go into an entirely different direction. So my advice today is look forward. Don't let things stress you to where they cloud the light from your life. Allow those around you that are willing to make you smile do just that. See that they are there for you when you need them. And make no mistake that your life is not on the path you chose but the one that God chose before you were ever created.

Much love to those out in the world today. I hope that you gain more knowledge than you had the day before. And make sure to tell those close to you how much they mean to you. Life is short. Dont hold off till tomorrow, but it is definitely not promised to you.

Nikki