I Am Being Selfish, This I Admit.

I thought about how selfish I would be. It’s hard to separate the two you know?-the difference between being selfish and just wanting? And then it hit me, they are not that much different. When you want something you will try your best to get it. You will ignore all the signs as to why you shouldn’t and you will. You will go to the limits and then push them if not a little a lot. It’s sad to say that I am feeling a bit selfish but I cannot help it it’s running through my veins. And it’s not an ice-cold rush but a warm comforting gradual flow through me. I’m despising that I have the feeling but loving the feel of it. Make sense? Not supposed to, this is about me! *laughs*




Anyway I just felt that I should say what I was feeling. This is my blog right? *laughs hard* I needed to get this off of my chest and I’m afraid I still haven’t gotten it all off. Once this blows over and it’s all said and done then I’ll be able to move on and look that the fact that I was a complete and utter fool. *smhl* Not at everything in my life…just this. What is "this" you may ask? Well if I tell you then you’d know and I’m too damn selfish to tell you!



Nikki

HA!

Shaking my head not really knowing what to say about what just went down. I don’t know if I’m seeing things or if they actually happened and my mind took a break. I think it did. I plan on taking a breath and laughing at myself because that is what you do when you don’t believe something. Right?


I’m sorry today is talking out of my mind day and I think I need to do just this. Perhaps this will get my head together? I’m highly doubting it but okay.

I think my sanity has taken a left turn into Neverland and did a detour to Wonderland. LOL… Don’t laugh it aint funny. (in my Smokey voice)

I think later on I’ll get a grip on reality. Maybe but as of right now I’m going to laugh about this. And it’s not a stupid laugh it’s just one of surprise.

I’ve got to go but I’ll be back later for more of “As my Brain Hurts” LMAO


Nikki

Tired...Aren't You?

I'm tired of people telling me what they would do if they were me. Or what they think I should do.
So sick of others stepping into my life telling me their opinion of which way I should go in my life. It really urks my nerves when people shake their head and say, "That would never happen to me". What the fuck? Who is asking you for any of this advice anyway? Please tell me this! Who is really coming up to  you and saying tell me what you think or give me an idea of what I should do.

The "advice friend" is so out-of-date that I get sick of it period. When I ask you for your opinion I'll probably be drunk off my ass and not really meaning to ask anyway. OR I could be just humoring you, letting you speak, not really giving two shits about how you would handle it.

I'm sorry, is this a little harsh? Guess what, I dont give a damn!

Toodles

~Nikki





Will be going to see this film "Sucker Punch" when it hits theaters this year! Love fantasy and action!

i'm just sayin

The past couple of weeks have been a real eye opener to my reality! I have said so much. Said too much. And not said enough. I’ve been afraid. I’ve been happy and I’ve been sad. I’ve had my heart twisted into nothing but still it beats. I have wanted to slap people. Punch others in the nose. I’ve wanted to knee a few in the nuts and kick a few in the chest.


These past couple of weeks I have been drained of all hope that I will ever be just me. By just me I mean the happy laughable person that I am best known as. Sometimes I find that crack that allows me to smile but there have been so many things that have happened to me that I have not felt like smiling. I have not felt like hugging. Nor have I felt like speaking any of this out loud. Some may say good for her. I hope she’s miserable but let me just say this, in any way did you contribute to my unhappiness. None of you can take credit to the fact that I don’t have a smile on my face. And if you feel guilty that I do then you should because nine times out of ten you are the reason so there.

I’ve spent the most part of my life trying to make others happy because I felt that everyone should be. Fuck that! I will no longer give a damn about you not smiling or laughing or that your man is cheating and you need to talk or that you are tempted and you need advice! Give it a fucking rest already! Either you fuck up or you don’t! Either you feel good about your deceit or you don’t. I will no longer use my words to cheer up a person that deserves a bit of misery.

So now that I have said just a small part of how I feel right now I do feel a little better.

My next part is to tell actual people how I feel. To let them know if they are being stupid, selfish or just complete an utter asses of themselves.

You may ask where is all this coming from and I will gladly tell you. My heart! Just like I can love you and hold how much I care for you there I can turn around and tell you how much I hope you would grow a pair or open your eyes and see what you should have out of your life. And this would be to male and or female.

I thought that once I could just let everything go and not think about it again. That certain things would not crowd my mind and if I left them alone that they would quietly leave but no, they wont, and there is no need for me to try and conform to make others happy anymore. There is no need for me to laugh when all I want to do is slap you in you damn face for being so goddamn stupid.

I see people being taken advantage of and I see those that don’t care as long as they are given an inkling of attention. I see some that make themselves vulnerable because they want the knight to come and sweep them off their feet and take them to a better place! Why? Why use a person for things you can get yourself? You can buy gifts and items on your own, you can’t buy someone’s love no matter what you think. No matter what you buy him he’s still going to love that other woman that gives her heart no matter the situation. No matter what you tell her she’s going to love the man that shows her. So stop thinking that all you have to do is “this” or “that” and realize that if youre doing so much and it’s never going noticed that its because they never really gave a damn about YOU in the first place!

I did things like this. Thinking that if I did for him that he would do the same in return. Yeah that shit didn’t work. I was even at that stage where I thought I was in love, but I don’t think that was it at all. It was a love but nothing that was going to sustain me to jump that broom so-to-speak. There is more than seeing a person everyday. It’s when you don’t see them that your heart swells for them. That when they are around you notice the little things about them. The quirky grin he gives when he’s thinking about being devilish. The angle she holds her head so you’ll brush her neck with your lips. But most don’t notice these things. Most are thinking about the end game. What the end result will be.

So…….what will it be?

Guess what, I don’t give a damn!

In the Ring.

Make what you say and what you do count!

Never settle.
Never gracefully bow out!
Meet your problem blow for blow.
Let it know that you will not go down easily.
That you will fight.
And even if you in the end lose you did fight
You became a witness to your own future.
You allowed yourself to take control of what you want.

~Nikki Frierson

Ever Thought About It?

Ever took the time to just wonder? You know, just think about all that you are and all that you have yet to become? Have you taken the time to actually see yourself? Not looking into a mirror at your reflection, but to SEE yourself? To see what kind of man or woman you have become? That when you look back you did what you thought was right in every detail of who you are. Every note written. Every word uttered. Every person kissed. Every minute that ticked away was part of what you are now? It’s only right that you look into yourself and find that core of you. To cut through all the bullshit and drama and realize you are who you are for a reson. Your purpose on this earth at this time is to do more than you are doing now.

I’ve become aggravated with who I am because I realize that who I am is not who I want to be. I want to tell family and friends when they are complete and just out right assholes of this world. I want to tell someone in a department store that “hell no, that is not a good look on you.” I want to sit down in front of someone and have no barriers in what I have to say. It becomes part of us to hold back how we feel and what we want. And in doing that we’re holding back part of us.

Life is about living and if you don’t live now you wont ever. There are no do-overs. No re-dos in this! You can't die and then come back and say “Oh, well I did that last time, let’s try it this way this time.” Yeah, no, that is not how it goes. So if you don’t do it now while you have it on your mind then STOP THINKING ABOUT IT! Let the thought go and go on about your life. Don’t regret not doing it, just move on!

Today, I am going to take my own advice. I’m going to move on. I’m not going to dwell on what ifs and shoulda coulda wouldas. It’s not going to benefit me any. Besides its better this way. I just felt that I needed to say that. I needed to put that out there into the universe and say my piece. Why not right? *laughs*



Love you all.

Nikki

Just in Case....

If you never stand in front of me I can still say that I’ve seen you

If I never hear your voice I can say that I’ve listened to you
If I never hold you close I can say that you’re near
When it’s all said and done I can say that I witnessed something special
I saw you
I heard you
And I felt you
I cherished what I did have
What we did share
So, If ever you were wondering did I care
This should tell you that with all that I am I will…always


Nikki Frierson

Am I Selfish?

I’m not selfish am I? If I am I don’t mean to be. I just think that somewhere sometime and at some point in my life I should actually get what I want. Is that really too much? I don’t want to be this way but I’m tired of thinking of everyone else and I always become the one looked over.


I always give my attention to those that need it. I make sure that they have my ear when they speak, my eyes when they write or my arms if they need embracing. I don’t know why I’m so in tune to others when they hurt or when they are going through things. I wonder then if those that I listen to and comfort would do the same for me? I wonder if ever they heard my voice or read my words know that I needed their attention. Would they feel a piercing pain in their chest of the hurt that I feel?

I don’t think I’ve ever found anyone that really gets what I’m saying. They don’t see where I’m coming from because they are not in my shoes. They might have been where I’ve been but they have not stood in the place that I stand.

I’ve listened to people in love and not know what to do. I’ve listened to people wanting to just throw it all away because of one idea. They were willing to give it all up because of just an idea. I know lovers that are so afraid of being alone they neglect to tell the other that the lover they desire is not them!

I mean come on!

Can I get one man that will take me and make me see that he is the one? That will be aggressive with me in showing me how much he loves me as well as how good of a lover he is for me? No, I don’t want a jealous man, but I know that we as women do want a man to show that we are theirs! Not a possession but an important part of his life. Because I’ll say now I’m going to show it! I’m going to show it in my smile and how red my face gets when he calls me, writes me, holds me and even makes love to me. Oh, I will show it because it was shown towards me. I want passion is that too much to ask? I don’t think so because if I can show it to him then he can show it to me.

Anyway, this is what I’m saying , I don’t think there are any out there that actually hear me! I do have one friend that has been listening and she and I have been going through a few of the same scenarios, and I thank her so much! But it still amazes me that we have to cut through the bullshit to get to that one that was meant for us!

I have never put my love life before my family! I’ve always been here for them and I will never put them aside but damn can I at least find someone that enjoys me? That will understand my love for writing? That will say hey, I read some of your stuff and I loved it can you write something for me? Yeah, that’ll never happen. But I can wish right? *laughs* I sound pathetic huh? NOPE! I sound REAL! As real as every other woman out there who feels what I feel they just haven’t said it! Or they have and no one listened. Well, I understand! I get you.

*kisses and hugs*

Love you,
Nikki

Miguel featuring J.Cole - All I Want Is You ft. J.Cole

I love this song. So I decided instead of posting an entry that I would post this video. Thank you guys and have a great Friday!

Just Me

The things that I hear. The things that I read, I get pissed. My face becomes red and my hands begin to shake. I don’t know what to do or say because I’m at a loss for words. No, I take that back I know what I want to say but I don’t, some things are better left unsaid. They would make the situation more complicated and me more furious than I had been previously. But I’m me. I’m the one that has a good head on her shoulders. I have the answer even if no one wants it. Even if they ask for it. I’m very careful in how and what I say. Sometimes you can break someone’s heart and not even know it. You can stop a person’s breath even when you see their chest moving to a staedy pace. I want to be a good friend and I want to say what’s in my head but I don’t. I don’t tell them straight forward. I normally reword it and it allows them to see what I’m saying without me actually saying it. I can’t say that I have not ever put my Jordan in my mouth before but I do think before saying. And sometimes if it’s said then it was meant for me to say it.


I had been going through some things for a while and lately they have been heavy on my mind. I realized early this morning that I am who I am for a reason. The decisions I make are made for a reason. I help those that ask me for a reason. I am a friend. I am a true friend for a reason. I make no apologies for what I say because I know that if I don’t say it then I’ll be doing a disservice to my friend. If I don’t give them what they ask for, and that is my point of view, then I’m selling THEM short, not me. I can’t have that, I must be honest with them. I may lose friends but with every one that I lose two will takes its place. Not that I want so many but true and honest friends are hard to come by.

Love you friends. And I always will.


Nikki

Your Acceptance

What happens when you love? I mean what really happens when you feel this emotion strongly in your heart? How do you cope with the end result? I’ve witnessed love that can toss you on your ass but you get up again. Although there are some that you cannot bounce back from as easily. Pain is part of life. You don’t appreciate the good without knowing part of the bad. Sometimes what you do that is bad may require forgiveness and you must accept if they can or can’t. Won’t or don’t. But what makes your heart free from pain is that you did what you were supposed to do. You stood up and held your ground. You did your part. It’s up to them to find it in their heart to forgive you.


I’ve always wanted a love that was so intense that I would forever be elated and filled with happiness but I realized that you cannot always receive what you want. And what you want does not always make you happy. One’s happiness can be totally different from another’s. Where one is head-over-heels the other is just infatuated. At one time I could see the beauty in wanting someone. To feel them in my hands and hear their voice in my ear. But then I got it. I got the fact that whatever is for me it will be. I can’t push because if I do I will end up with nothing. I will in fact be more alone than I thought I was already.

But you know, I do love with an intense passion. I can’t help it. I want him to know all that I am is because of him. That all I want to have, I want to share with him. I want to sense his unhappiness when I’m not even around. I want to feel his heartbeat within mine. To hold his scent from his t-shirt that I wear to bed if he’s not home. That way even when I can’t feel him around me I can have him around me. For him to say how much he loves me in the midst of his friends and family, that makes a woman like me feel that final acceptance.

To have passion in anything shows your dedication to it. I have a passion for my words. I don’t feel right if I can’t use them to express how I feel. Them, like him, makes me whole. He understands what they mean to me. He adores how I can say things and they mean so much. That’s why I do it. I could do other things to get his attention but I choose to talk to him. To give him me through letters, words, sentences, paragraphs, and pages. I want him to understand who I am. Who I am to him. Who I am for him. You can’t think a man will be your protector unless you are his also. You can’t expect him to hold your heart and not break it if you can’t hold his and end up shattering it. As women we want so much but we give so little. We talk about finding a real man but what about them finding a real woman? We real women are scarce and are hardly ever found. Men try to find their perfect love in places they should not look and when it goes south they wonder why it went crossed-eyed.

I can’t hunt for a man. I’m a predator but not in that way. I seek out what is mine to begin with. How will I know he’s mine? He will tell me. He will hold me in his arms and tell me that I am who he’s waited for. That I am the one that he breathes for. That his heart beats because I brought it to life. But men are not as verbal so you have to read what they do and how they do it. What they do should talk to you loud and clear. You just have to listen. And vice versa. He will give you all of him if he feels that you have done the same towards him.


Nikki Frierson

Butterfly Kisses

They are sweet
Light
And make you shudder
They are warm
Tingly
And make you wonder
Not just anyone can give them
There's a special way to do it

You must want to
They must want to recieve them
They must want to give them to you

You must crave to
They must crave to receive them
They must crave to give them to you

These are not just your ordinary kisses
They flutter over your body
They make you smile
They make you feel sexy

They make you want to get closer
To finally feel what they have led you to want

Oh, how I'd love to have butterfly kisses like these.

Wouldn't you?

ASSHOLES

I'm sorry, I know I usually talk about the good in my life and the world but today I have to focus in on a few pieces of shit!

Now, I know that I've not been all squeaky clean at what I've dont in my life but I'll be the first one to say it. I can claim to my mistakes. I can be woman enough to own up to the shit and bull I've pulled my 30 years of living. What gets me are those that think they are right about every asinine thing they do.

Okay, for one, how in the hell do you expect a guy to respect you when you don't respect yourself? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I've been in this situation, but I learned to respect ME! And in doing this I dropped all ASSHOLES that tried their best to down me when they had the chance.

I have seen some stupid, stupid females sit here and wonder why they are being fucked, slapped and then tossed to the side. You want to know why? BECAUSE YOU ALLOW THEM TO!

You got guys that claim they are MEN! LMMFAO...Yeah, okay, men whip out that brain you carry in your backpocket and then maybe , just maybe we'll talk. Then on top of that you stick your dick everywhere but in the sun and then when a kid pops up you wanna start with, "I hear she been with so-and-so." Muthafucker you been with her too, so just cut the fucking bullshit, get like Trey, sopen your mouth and say ahhhhh! Then wham bam you're either the father or you're not. Stop claiming the kid one fucking moment then when you get mad you want to push the child off on some guy from the girls past. My daughter has a crew of brothers and sisters  but you dont see me crying and acting like a what? ASSHOLE! I moved the fuck on and I'm oh so damn happy. (Thanks Sweetie) *Muah*

If you're shaking your head saying I'm wrong FUCK YOU TOO! I know what I'm talking about and the hell I've been through!

There are females out here that think they can't do any better than they already are! Don't think this way. This is how the dipshits I was talking about in the previous excerpt find you and prey on you. Women have more strength mentally, and emotionally than men! Women are stronger in the mind but those that allow a few sweet words and a cute smile or a car lure them in and then be used for whatever they want!

I can honestly say that I fell a few times. I wouldn't listen to my parents because I thought I knew better. I thought I knew all I needed to know about being adult, but I didn't. I forgot the first rule to being an intelligent adult and that's RESPECTING THEM MY PARENTS. I did things that I later on confessed to my mom about and I could  have probably taken that shit to the grave but I am an adult, I can face my mom and talk about anything now. I talk to my mom just about everyday because she is my friend and I respect her opinion. She raised me. She took care of my kids when I couldn't. She gave me money when I needed it. She may have argued a bit but nonetheless she helped me and she still helps me. My parents continue to help me when I need it, even if I dont ask they help. But it starts there.

I still may slip and say the wrong thing or act out a little but I know it and I can be adult about my shit. Can you? Can any of the one's you know that claim they are?

I recently went through some shit and I didnt think I would ever bounce back but I did. I got my self together and did what I had to do for me and my girls. My girls are my life! I may have a guy but who knows how long he'll be in my life. Family is always there unless you act like an ASSHOLE and push them aside for OUTSIDE ASSHOLES that dont mean you any good! Yeah, there are good friends that got you when you're in a bind or when you need an ear to listen  to you but best friends come a dime a dozen. And when you overlook who care for you, you deserve to suffer in the way that you are suffering. You should be crying your eyes out and you should be confused as to why your life SUCKS! You made it that way. You decided to do what you wanted to do instead of what you should do and now you're looking like a what? AN ASSHOLE, not knowing how you're going to get by with the little that you have.

Okay, okay, I'm done now. LOL I've been happy going on two years now. I've met new people that have been positive staples in my life. I've even found old friends that brought have made my smile even brighter and I thank them from my heart. I thank God that I've lived this long to realize what path I'm supposed to be on. The one that he has planned. He's even allowed me to see what I can have if I continue to do right. And yes, he knows I'm not going to always do what he wants but he's given me the mind to know and correct myself. To see things through and try not to go that way again. It's all in who you are and if you want to be better or remain the same.

This is the end of my rant. I apologize for the rabid profanity. Not really, sometimes that's what it takes to make a person open their eyes?

-Nikki

Do You Know Love?

I am currently writing a book that has completely turned me into a maniac. When you write about love and pain, you usually write part of your experiences within the story right? Not me, I’m writing how I would have loved my love life to have went.


Falling in love? Why is it called “falling in love”? I have wondered that for so long. I think falling in love is when you finally realize you’re in love and if that is true then what is it called when you don’t love that person anymore? How can you fall any further than you’ve already fallen, which is in love?

What is it called when love is no longer in the picture?

I am going to be honest because for one, I don’t want to lie about this even though it may be painful to talk about. And for two, because this is my blog and I can say whatever the hell I want to say.

I can say that in my 30 years of living I have only loved (the opposite sex) twice.

In primary it was a boy that was totally out of reach. That was puppy love so it actually does not count. I got my first true boyfriend in high school and ruined it because his friend asked me for my number. Yeah, I was dumb then too. Ended up with my now 14 year old daughter that I love to death.

But I found my first true love in college. He was a truly loving man that would have been a great catch for any woman. I thought he was that one for me, but I just couldn’t be what and who he wanted or better yet needed. I don’t love to drink, but I like to drink at times. He was the type that didn’t drink and didn’t care to go out much. UNLESS, I was going out also. I never cared for the stuffy, always around kind of guy. Now don’t get me wrong I did care for him deeply, I even had to voice myself a few times about other females but in the end he was not for me. He was not the one I was growing up to love. I did appreciate the way he treated me. He was never rude towards me and he always respected me even when I was being a total bitch, but again, he didn’t get me. I am a very loud, laughing, quick-to-crack-a-joke kind of girl. I was not what he needed and he was not what I needed. I loved him though. My family loved him. My mother adored him. But it did not last. And even though we are no longer friends I still wish him the best.

I had to think about how I would know if I were truly and irrevocably in love. It took me a while to think about it. To fully see what traits I had to find within me and them to say that I was in love. It was hard. I mean very very strenuous for me. I had to bang my head up against a wall and after I was dizzy from the hits to my medulla I heard the “ding” go off. Oh, you know that “ding”, the one that says “you got it. You finally got it.” Yeah, I found it. I figured out how I know love when I had it.

True love is without judgment. It never looks away when you’re at your worse. It embraces you when even your arms can’t hold you tight enough. The warmth it radiates down to the coldest part of your center. You know you have love when you know in your heart that you can’t live without it. When that person is away from you for even a day and you can’t help but wonder how they are doing. Are they okay? Are they as happy doing whatever as you are? Are they thinking of you just as much as you are thinking of them? Love does not have a limit. Love is in fact truly infinite.

Now don’t mistake love for idiocy. I did and it’s not pretty. You do the most dumb things for what you think love is. You buy things. You accept things you put up with mistreatment of who you are and so on and so on. This is not love, it’s just loneliness and you’ll do anything to have someone with you. Including disrespecting yourself. I did it, and I’ll admit to my stupidity. It’s one thing to know you were wrong in your choices but when you know and continue to let them happen then you’re just pathetic. I know a few people like this. I know a few that think they are so smart at allowing their men to walk all over them. *shakes head* I have nothing to say on that one.

But I do know love. NOW, I do know love. I know how to love. I was taught to love me first. And however in loving me I learned to treat my man in that same token. Give him the love that I hold only for him. Allow him to see that when it all comes down he is the one that I need by my side. I have discovered some things in this year. I found out that when you are not searching for love it will come to you easily. That if you were truly meant to be a part of someone’s life in that way then you will be. Nothing will keep you apart from them. Love is a word, yes, but the affects and emotions given behind that word is what makes it the most powerful. And you can say, “Well, she must be in love to write about this”. And perhaps I am but I was in lust once and I know about that also. It’s nothing to lust after someone, but to feel more for that person, to understand that when they are sad you are also? It’s totally different. It’s new, and you’ll guard it with your heart.


I close in saying love is within each person’s heart. It’s the choice inside of us that we allow that love to grow or to rot into a festering evil. I refuse. I refuse to allow my heart to be tainted by evil, hurt and or pain. I will continue to learn and grow for me and for whoever I’m suppose to love.

Can you say at this point in your life that you know love?
-Nikki

The Weekend

Yes, it's the weekend so it's time to rest and think about what the week brought to you. How you are blessed to still be on this earth and even if your job sucks you have one! Sometimes we let things get to us and bring us down, it's not impossible to let this happen but it is possible to work through it.

I have a friend that is trying to work through somethings and I realized that in the midst of me praying now for patience and understanding, and good health for my family, I now add to my prayer that they work through the things that have them down. I don't want them hurt and in pain because they are part of my circle. They are part of what makes me feel complete. Some may look down on what I say and as me growing into who I am I can honestly say I dont care about that anymore. I have those that I keep close to me. Those that make me feel like I can do better. That doing the things I do and saying the things I say do in fact help them along in some way.

So, I will end this weekend with a few words for my loved ones.

I ask nothing of  you
I only ask that those I hold dear are safe
That you touch them somehow and relieve their pain
That in some way you show them that you are there with them
That in doing the right thing they sometimes go through the bad
I ask that you listen to them
Hear there problems
See that they are trying and that they are willing
Again, still, I ask of nothing for myself
You have shown me that this world is not about me
It's about all of us as a whole
I am here because of you
I am asking for you to bless them because you taught me to be this way
You showed me that there is no room for selfishness
Only love
So, it's with all the love I carry in my heart
All the love that you have blessed me with
I ask you to watch over them
Bless them

-Amen



Nikki Frierson, 2010 

You Will Never Understand

I love how I feel when I think of him.
That there's no one else in this world that can make me smile the way he can
My laugh is different because of him
How I feel about what I want has changed to include him
No, I'm not being silly nor am I being naive
I am voicing how I feel and who has made me finally feel this way
It's not wrong to express how you feel and how will they know if you don't
Texts from him tell  me how he's feeling
He's sad
He's angry
He's happy from a text that I sent
I can smile when my phone rings and his voice is on the other end
I can smile after I end a call because I'm content after talking to him
So, I can smile when I think of him
I can laugh all by myself thinking of something funny he said
Or I can curl up with my blanket, close my eyes and think of the last time he held me
It's not an obsession
Those that have never been happy would say that's what it is
I pity them
I pity them for not knowing how it feels to have a friend
To not have someone that knows you're down by how you word your text message
Or by the tone of your voice
They'll never know how it feels to care for someone
To worry when they worry
To help them work through hard times as well as laugh through the good
Many will never know
They will never know how it feels to have emotions that will build you instead of break you
But I will
I will know
And even if it doesn't last forever I will have known it
I will have felt it with the sensitivity in my touch
The heat that keeps me warm
A continuous 99.5 because he sparked something within me that pushed MY body temp a bit higher than the norm
Seen it with my two big brown eyes because they never miss a thing
Heard it in my heart because it beats to the same rhythm as his own

So, I thank you but honestly, for me to feel how I feel about him...
...YOUR APPROVAL IS NOT REQUIRED

Nikki Frierson, 2010

QUICK IDEA MOMENT!

When you were young you dreamed of being a superhero and doing things you see on tv.
When you got older you realize that you are not superhuman, and in order to get on tv you must do something tv-worthy
When you were little you wanted to be big and strong
When you got older your bigger but still feel small and weak
When you were young you wished to have a big house and live in the big city, doing grown-up things
When you got older you realized that in order to have that big house, live in that big city, and do those grown up things you have to have money
Meaning you have to have a good paying job
When you were little you saw yourself marrying someone you love
You saw yourself marrying that girl that gave you half of her sandwich in kindergarden and then let you swap out your apple juice for her grape
When you got older you married the one that swapped her heart out for yours



Nikki Frierson, 2010

Book Progress!

Well, I have had a breakthrough in my story! I have finally learned what the outcome of the first book is. Unfortunately, I can't say! But there is a new post from Karah on her blog! Check out her link and let me know what you think!

http://karahavayah.blogspot.com/

TO MY OTHER HALF

It’s not up to me to show you that I’m perfect.

You should already know that I am perfect for you
It’s not up to me to tell you you love me
You should say it without hesitation
It’s not up to me to make you see how beautiful I am
You should know the beauty within as well as out
It’s not my place to make you hold me
Your arms around me should be second nature

It’s up to me to show you that you’re perfect for me
But you should already know that you are
It’s up to me to tell you how much I love you
And you should love hearing it
It’s up to me to show you how handsome you are
And the light in your smile confirms it
It’s my place to hold you every chance I get
My warmth should be with you even when I’m not

There are things that we should know but don’t
It’s time to open our eyes and ears and learn these things from one another
This is how we grow
This is how we stop the hatred towards each other
This is how we love


Nikki Frierson, 2010