In the Ring.

Make what you say and what you do count!

Never settle.
Never gracefully bow out!
Meet your problem blow for blow.
Let it know that you will not go down easily.
That you will fight.
And even if you in the end lose you did fight
You became a witness to your own future.
You allowed yourself to take control of what you want.

~Nikki Frierson

Ever Thought About It?

Ever took the time to just wonder? You know, just think about all that you are and all that you have yet to become? Have you taken the time to actually see yourself? Not looking into a mirror at your reflection, but to SEE yourself? To see what kind of man or woman you have become? That when you look back you did what you thought was right in every detail of who you are. Every note written. Every word uttered. Every person kissed. Every minute that ticked away was part of what you are now? It’s only right that you look into yourself and find that core of you. To cut through all the bullshit and drama and realize you are who you are for a reson. Your purpose on this earth at this time is to do more than you are doing now.

I’ve become aggravated with who I am because I realize that who I am is not who I want to be. I want to tell family and friends when they are complete and just out right assholes of this world. I want to tell someone in a department store that “hell no, that is not a good look on you.” I want to sit down in front of someone and have no barriers in what I have to say. It becomes part of us to hold back how we feel and what we want. And in doing that we’re holding back part of us.

Life is about living and if you don’t live now you wont ever. There are no do-overs. No re-dos in this! You can't die and then come back and say “Oh, well I did that last time, let’s try it this way this time.” Yeah, no, that is not how it goes. So if you don’t do it now while you have it on your mind then STOP THINKING ABOUT IT! Let the thought go and go on about your life. Don’t regret not doing it, just move on!

Today, I am going to take my own advice. I’m going to move on. I’m not going to dwell on what ifs and shoulda coulda wouldas. It’s not going to benefit me any. Besides its better this way. I just felt that I needed to say that. I needed to put that out there into the universe and say my piece. Why not right? *laughs*



Love you all.

Nikki

Just in Case....

If you never stand in front of me I can still say that I’ve seen you

If I never hear your voice I can say that I’ve listened to you
If I never hold you close I can say that you’re near
When it’s all said and done I can say that I witnessed something special
I saw you
I heard you
And I felt you
I cherished what I did have
What we did share
So, If ever you were wondering did I care
This should tell you that with all that I am I will…always


Nikki Frierson

Am I Selfish?

I’m not selfish am I? If I am I don’t mean to be. I just think that somewhere sometime and at some point in my life I should actually get what I want. Is that really too much? I don’t want to be this way but I’m tired of thinking of everyone else and I always become the one looked over.


I always give my attention to those that need it. I make sure that they have my ear when they speak, my eyes when they write or my arms if they need embracing. I don’t know why I’m so in tune to others when they hurt or when they are going through things. I wonder then if those that I listen to and comfort would do the same for me? I wonder if ever they heard my voice or read my words know that I needed their attention. Would they feel a piercing pain in their chest of the hurt that I feel?

I don’t think I’ve ever found anyone that really gets what I’m saying. They don’t see where I’m coming from because they are not in my shoes. They might have been where I’ve been but they have not stood in the place that I stand.

I’ve listened to people in love and not know what to do. I’ve listened to people wanting to just throw it all away because of one idea. They were willing to give it all up because of just an idea. I know lovers that are so afraid of being alone they neglect to tell the other that the lover they desire is not them!

I mean come on!

Can I get one man that will take me and make me see that he is the one? That will be aggressive with me in showing me how much he loves me as well as how good of a lover he is for me? No, I don’t want a jealous man, but I know that we as women do want a man to show that we are theirs! Not a possession but an important part of his life. Because I’ll say now I’m going to show it! I’m going to show it in my smile and how red my face gets when he calls me, writes me, holds me and even makes love to me. Oh, I will show it because it was shown towards me. I want passion is that too much to ask? I don’t think so because if I can show it to him then he can show it to me.

Anyway, this is what I’m saying , I don’t think there are any out there that actually hear me! I do have one friend that has been listening and she and I have been going through a few of the same scenarios, and I thank her so much! But it still amazes me that we have to cut through the bullshit to get to that one that was meant for us!

I have never put my love life before my family! I’ve always been here for them and I will never put them aside but damn can I at least find someone that enjoys me? That will understand my love for writing? That will say hey, I read some of your stuff and I loved it can you write something for me? Yeah, that’ll never happen. But I can wish right? *laughs* I sound pathetic huh? NOPE! I sound REAL! As real as every other woman out there who feels what I feel they just haven’t said it! Or they have and no one listened. Well, I understand! I get you.

*kisses and hugs*

Love you,
Nikki

Miguel featuring J.Cole - All I Want Is You ft. J.Cole

I love this song. So I decided instead of posting an entry that I would post this video. Thank you guys and have a great Friday!

Just Me

The things that I hear. The things that I read, I get pissed. My face becomes red and my hands begin to shake. I don’t know what to do or say because I’m at a loss for words. No, I take that back I know what I want to say but I don’t, some things are better left unsaid. They would make the situation more complicated and me more furious than I had been previously. But I’m me. I’m the one that has a good head on her shoulders. I have the answer even if no one wants it. Even if they ask for it. I’m very careful in how and what I say. Sometimes you can break someone’s heart and not even know it. You can stop a person’s breath even when you see their chest moving to a staedy pace. I want to be a good friend and I want to say what’s in my head but I don’t. I don’t tell them straight forward. I normally reword it and it allows them to see what I’m saying without me actually saying it. I can’t say that I have not ever put my Jordan in my mouth before but I do think before saying. And sometimes if it’s said then it was meant for me to say it.


I had been going through some things for a while and lately they have been heavy on my mind. I realized early this morning that I am who I am for a reason. The decisions I make are made for a reason. I help those that ask me for a reason. I am a friend. I am a true friend for a reason. I make no apologies for what I say because I know that if I don’t say it then I’ll be doing a disservice to my friend. If I don’t give them what they ask for, and that is my point of view, then I’m selling THEM short, not me. I can’t have that, I must be honest with them. I may lose friends but with every one that I lose two will takes its place. Not that I want so many but true and honest friends are hard to come by.

Love you friends. And I always will.


Nikki

Your Acceptance

What happens when you love? I mean what really happens when you feel this emotion strongly in your heart? How do you cope with the end result? I’ve witnessed love that can toss you on your ass but you get up again. Although there are some that you cannot bounce back from as easily. Pain is part of life. You don’t appreciate the good without knowing part of the bad. Sometimes what you do that is bad may require forgiveness and you must accept if they can or can’t. Won’t or don’t. But what makes your heart free from pain is that you did what you were supposed to do. You stood up and held your ground. You did your part. It’s up to them to find it in their heart to forgive you.


I’ve always wanted a love that was so intense that I would forever be elated and filled with happiness but I realized that you cannot always receive what you want. And what you want does not always make you happy. One’s happiness can be totally different from another’s. Where one is head-over-heels the other is just infatuated. At one time I could see the beauty in wanting someone. To feel them in my hands and hear their voice in my ear. But then I got it. I got the fact that whatever is for me it will be. I can’t push because if I do I will end up with nothing. I will in fact be more alone than I thought I was already.

But you know, I do love with an intense passion. I can’t help it. I want him to know all that I am is because of him. That all I want to have, I want to share with him. I want to sense his unhappiness when I’m not even around. I want to feel his heartbeat within mine. To hold his scent from his t-shirt that I wear to bed if he’s not home. That way even when I can’t feel him around me I can have him around me. For him to say how much he loves me in the midst of his friends and family, that makes a woman like me feel that final acceptance.

To have passion in anything shows your dedication to it. I have a passion for my words. I don’t feel right if I can’t use them to express how I feel. Them, like him, makes me whole. He understands what they mean to me. He adores how I can say things and they mean so much. That’s why I do it. I could do other things to get his attention but I choose to talk to him. To give him me through letters, words, sentences, paragraphs, and pages. I want him to understand who I am. Who I am to him. Who I am for him. You can’t think a man will be your protector unless you are his also. You can’t expect him to hold your heart and not break it if you can’t hold his and end up shattering it. As women we want so much but we give so little. We talk about finding a real man but what about them finding a real woman? We real women are scarce and are hardly ever found. Men try to find their perfect love in places they should not look and when it goes south they wonder why it went crossed-eyed.

I can’t hunt for a man. I’m a predator but not in that way. I seek out what is mine to begin with. How will I know he’s mine? He will tell me. He will hold me in his arms and tell me that I am who he’s waited for. That I am the one that he breathes for. That his heart beats because I brought it to life. But men are not as verbal so you have to read what they do and how they do it. What they do should talk to you loud and clear. You just have to listen. And vice versa. He will give you all of him if he feels that you have done the same towards him.


Nikki Frierson

Butterfly Kisses

They are sweet
Light
And make you shudder
They are warm
Tingly
And make you wonder
Not just anyone can give them
There's a special way to do it

You must want to
They must want to recieve them
They must want to give them to you

You must crave to
They must crave to receive them
They must crave to give them to you

These are not just your ordinary kisses
They flutter over your body
They make you smile
They make you feel sexy

They make you want to get closer
To finally feel what they have led you to want

Oh, how I'd love to have butterfly kisses like these.

Wouldn't you?

ASSHOLES

I'm sorry, I know I usually talk about the good in my life and the world but today I have to focus in on a few pieces of shit!

Now, I know that I've not been all squeaky clean at what I've dont in my life but I'll be the first one to say it. I can claim to my mistakes. I can be woman enough to own up to the shit and bull I've pulled my 30 years of living. What gets me are those that think they are right about every asinine thing they do.

Okay, for one, how in the hell do you expect a guy to respect you when you don't respect yourself? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I've been in this situation, but I learned to respect ME! And in doing this I dropped all ASSHOLES that tried their best to down me when they had the chance.

I have seen some stupid, stupid females sit here and wonder why they are being fucked, slapped and then tossed to the side. You want to know why? BECAUSE YOU ALLOW THEM TO!

You got guys that claim they are MEN! LMMFAO...Yeah, okay, men whip out that brain you carry in your backpocket and then maybe , just maybe we'll talk. Then on top of that you stick your dick everywhere but in the sun and then when a kid pops up you wanna start with, "I hear she been with so-and-so." Muthafucker you been with her too, so just cut the fucking bullshit, get like Trey, sopen your mouth and say ahhhhh! Then wham bam you're either the father or you're not. Stop claiming the kid one fucking moment then when you get mad you want to push the child off on some guy from the girls past. My daughter has a crew of brothers and sisters  but you dont see me crying and acting like a what? ASSHOLE! I moved the fuck on and I'm oh so damn happy. (Thanks Sweetie) *Muah*

If you're shaking your head saying I'm wrong FUCK YOU TOO! I know what I'm talking about and the hell I've been through!

There are females out here that think they can't do any better than they already are! Don't think this way. This is how the dipshits I was talking about in the previous excerpt find you and prey on you. Women have more strength mentally, and emotionally than men! Women are stronger in the mind but those that allow a few sweet words and a cute smile or a car lure them in and then be used for whatever they want!

I can honestly say that I fell a few times. I wouldn't listen to my parents because I thought I knew better. I thought I knew all I needed to know about being adult, but I didn't. I forgot the first rule to being an intelligent adult and that's RESPECTING THEM MY PARENTS. I did things that I later on confessed to my mom about and I could  have probably taken that shit to the grave but I am an adult, I can face my mom and talk about anything now. I talk to my mom just about everyday because she is my friend and I respect her opinion. She raised me. She took care of my kids when I couldn't. She gave me money when I needed it. She may have argued a bit but nonetheless she helped me and she still helps me. My parents continue to help me when I need it, even if I dont ask they help. But it starts there.

I still may slip and say the wrong thing or act out a little but I know it and I can be adult about my shit. Can you? Can any of the one's you know that claim they are?

I recently went through some shit and I didnt think I would ever bounce back but I did. I got my self together and did what I had to do for me and my girls. My girls are my life! I may have a guy but who knows how long he'll be in my life. Family is always there unless you act like an ASSHOLE and push them aside for OUTSIDE ASSHOLES that dont mean you any good! Yeah, there are good friends that got you when you're in a bind or when you need an ear to listen  to you but best friends come a dime a dozen. And when you overlook who care for you, you deserve to suffer in the way that you are suffering. You should be crying your eyes out and you should be confused as to why your life SUCKS! You made it that way. You decided to do what you wanted to do instead of what you should do and now you're looking like a what? AN ASSHOLE, not knowing how you're going to get by with the little that you have.

Okay, okay, I'm done now. LOL I've been happy going on two years now. I've met new people that have been positive staples in my life. I've even found old friends that brought have made my smile even brighter and I thank them from my heart. I thank God that I've lived this long to realize what path I'm supposed to be on. The one that he has planned. He's even allowed me to see what I can have if I continue to do right. And yes, he knows I'm not going to always do what he wants but he's given me the mind to know and correct myself. To see things through and try not to go that way again. It's all in who you are and if you want to be better or remain the same.

This is the end of my rant. I apologize for the rabid profanity. Not really, sometimes that's what it takes to make a person open their eyes?

-Nikki

Do You Know Love?

I am currently writing a book that has completely turned me into a maniac. When you write about love and pain, you usually write part of your experiences within the story right? Not me, I’m writing how I would have loved my love life to have went.


Falling in love? Why is it called “falling in love”? I have wondered that for so long. I think falling in love is when you finally realize you’re in love and if that is true then what is it called when you don’t love that person anymore? How can you fall any further than you’ve already fallen, which is in love?

What is it called when love is no longer in the picture?

I am going to be honest because for one, I don’t want to lie about this even though it may be painful to talk about. And for two, because this is my blog and I can say whatever the hell I want to say.

I can say that in my 30 years of living I have only loved (the opposite sex) twice.

In primary it was a boy that was totally out of reach. That was puppy love so it actually does not count. I got my first true boyfriend in high school and ruined it because his friend asked me for my number. Yeah, I was dumb then too. Ended up with my now 14 year old daughter that I love to death.

But I found my first true love in college. He was a truly loving man that would have been a great catch for any woman. I thought he was that one for me, but I just couldn’t be what and who he wanted or better yet needed. I don’t love to drink, but I like to drink at times. He was the type that didn’t drink and didn’t care to go out much. UNLESS, I was going out also. I never cared for the stuffy, always around kind of guy. Now don’t get me wrong I did care for him deeply, I even had to voice myself a few times about other females but in the end he was not for me. He was not the one I was growing up to love. I did appreciate the way he treated me. He was never rude towards me and he always respected me even when I was being a total bitch, but again, he didn’t get me. I am a very loud, laughing, quick-to-crack-a-joke kind of girl. I was not what he needed and he was not what I needed. I loved him though. My family loved him. My mother adored him. But it did not last. And even though we are no longer friends I still wish him the best.

I had to think about how I would know if I were truly and irrevocably in love. It took me a while to think about it. To fully see what traits I had to find within me and them to say that I was in love. It was hard. I mean very very strenuous for me. I had to bang my head up against a wall and after I was dizzy from the hits to my medulla I heard the “ding” go off. Oh, you know that “ding”, the one that says “you got it. You finally got it.” Yeah, I found it. I figured out how I know love when I had it.

True love is without judgment. It never looks away when you’re at your worse. It embraces you when even your arms can’t hold you tight enough. The warmth it radiates down to the coldest part of your center. You know you have love when you know in your heart that you can’t live without it. When that person is away from you for even a day and you can’t help but wonder how they are doing. Are they okay? Are they as happy doing whatever as you are? Are they thinking of you just as much as you are thinking of them? Love does not have a limit. Love is in fact truly infinite.

Now don’t mistake love for idiocy. I did and it’s not pretty. You do the most dumb things for what you think love is. You buy things. You accept things you put up with mistreatment of who you are and so on and so on. This is not love, it’s just loneliness and you’ll do anything to have someone with you. Including disrespecting yourself. I did it, and I’ll admit to my stupidity. It’s one thing to know you were wrong in your choices but when you know and continue to let them happen then you’re just pathetic. I know a few people like this. I know a few that think they are so smart at allowing their men to walk all over them. *shakes head* I have nothing to say on that one.

But I do know love. NOW, I do know love. I know how to love. I was taught to love me first. And however in loving me I learned to treat my man in that same token. Give him the love that I hold only for him. Allow him to see that when it all comes down he is the one that I need by my side. I have discovered some things in this year. I found out that when you are not searching for love it will come to you easily. That if you were truly meant to be a part of someone’s life in that way then you will be. Nothing will keep you apart from them. Love is a word, yes, but the affects and emotions given behind that word is what makes it the most powerful. And you can say, “Well, she must be in love to write about this”. And perhaps I am but I was in lust once and I know about that also. It’s nothing to lust after someone, but to feel more for that person, to understand that when they are sad you are also? It’s totally different. It’s new, and you’ll guard it with your heart.


I close in saying love is within each person’s heart. It’s the choice inside of us that we allow that love to grow or to rot into a festering evil. I refuse. I refuse to allow my heart to be tainted by evil, hurt and or pain. I will continue to learn and grow for me and for whoever I’m suppose to love.

Can you say at this point in your life that you know love?
-Nikki

The Weekend

Yes, it's the weekend so it's time to rest and think about what the week brought to you. How you are blessed to still be on this earth and even if your job sucks you have one! Sometimes we let things get to us and bring us down, it's not impossible to let this happen but it is possible to work through it.

I have a friend that is trying to work through somethings and I realized that in the midst of me praying now for patience and understanding, and good health for my family, I now add to my prayer that they work through the things that have them down. I don't want them hurt and in pain because they are part of my circle. They are part of what makes me feel complete. Some may look down on what I say and as me growing into who I am I can honestly say I dont care about that anymore. I have those that I keep close to me. Those that make me feel like I can do better. That doing the things I do and saying the things I say do in fact help them along in some way.

So, I will end this weekend with a few words for my loved ones.

I ask nothing of  you
I only ask that those I hold dear are safe
That you touch them somehow and relieve their pain
That in some way you show them that you are there with them
That in doing the right thing they sometimes go through the bad
I ask that you listen to them
Hear there problems
See that they are trying and that they are willing
Again, still, I ask of nothing for myself
You have shown me that this world is not about me
It's about all of us as a whole
I am here because of you
I am asking for you to bless them because you taught me to be this way
You showed me that there is no room for selfishness
Only love
So, it's with all the love I carry in my heart
All the love that you have blessed me with
I ask you to watch over them
Bless them

-Amen



Nikki Frierson, 2010 

You Will Never Understand

I love how I feel when I think of him.
That there's no one else in this world that can make me smile the way he can
My laugh is different because of him
How I feel about what I want has changed to include him
No, I'm not being silly nor am I being naive
I am voicing how I feel and who has made me finally feel this way
It's not wrong to express how you feel and how will they know if you don't
Texts from him tell  me how he's feeling
He's sad
He's angry
He's happy from a text that I sent
I can smile when my phone rings and his voice is on the other end
I can smile after I end a call because I'm content after talking to him
So, I can smile when I think of him
I can laugh all by myself thinking of something funny he said
Or I can curl up with my blanket, close my eyes and think of the last time he held me
It's not an obsession
Those that have never been happy would say that's what it is
I pity them
I pity them for not knowing how it feels to have a friend
To not have someone that knows you're down by how you word your text message
Or by the tone of your voice
They'll never know how it feels to care for someone
To worry when they worry
To help them work through hard times as well as laugh through the good
Many will never know
They will never know how it feels to have emotions that will build you instead of break you
But I will
I will know
And even if it doesn't last forever I will have known it
I will have felt it with the sensitivity in my touch
The heat that keeps me warm
A continuous 99.5 because he sparked something within me that pushed MY body temp a bit higher than the norm
Seen it with my two big brown eyes because they never miss a thing
Heard it in my heart because it beats to the same rhythm as his own

So, I thank you but honestly, for me to feel how I feel about him...
...YOUR APPROVAL IS NOT REQUIRED

Nikki Frierson, 2010

QUICK IDEA MOMENT!

When you were young you dreamed of being a superhero and doing things you see on tv.
When you got older you realize that you are not superhuman, and in order to get on tv you must do something tv-worthy
When you were little you wanted to be big and strong
When you got older your bigger but still feel small and weak
When you were young you wished to have a big house and live in the big city, doing grown-up things
When you got older you realized that in order to have that big house, live in that big city, and do those grown up things you have to have money
Meaning you have to have a good paying job
When you were little you saw yourself marrying someone you love
You saw yourself marrying that girl that gave you half of her sandwich in kindergarden and then let you swap out your apple juice for her grape
When you got older you married the one that swapped her heart out for yours



Nikki Frierson, 2010

Book Progress!

Well, I have had a breakthrough in my story! I have finally learned what the outcome of the first book is. Unfortunately, I can't say! But there is a new post from Karah on her blog! Check out her link and let me know what you think!

http://karahavayah.blogspot.com/

TO MY OTHER HALF

It’s not up to me to show you that I’m perfect.

You should already know that I am perfect for you
It’s not up to me to tell you you love me
You should say it without hesitation
It’s not up to me to make you see how beautiful I am
You should know the beauty within as well as out
It’s not my place to make you hold me
Your arms around me should be second nature

It’s up to me to show you that you’re perfect for me
But you should already know that you are
It’s up to me to tell you how much I love you
And you should love hearing it
It’s up to me to show you how handsome you are
And the light in your smile confirms it
It’s my place to hold you every chance I get
My warmth should be with you even when I’m not

There are things that we should know but don’t
It’s time to open our eyes and ears and learn these things from one another
This is how we grow
This is how we stop the hatred towards each other
This is how we love


Nikki Frierson, 2010

So I have connected my phone to my blog! I can now rant and talk about whatever I want whenever I want!

WHAT IS MY PASSION?

I’ve been thinking for the past few weeks about exactly what I want out of life. It’s funny, I love movies, I always wanted to work in film but the closest I’ve gotten to that line of work is a news station. Don’t get me wrong I like my job. I like the fact that I have gained a lot more experience since working there, but I found a great passion. Greater than directing film.

WRITING!


I love to write. I love using my very extremely vivid imagination, creating a story from nothing. With my words I create characters and places and love interests. I make emotions and even place a few of my feelings within them. Okay, so I place a lot of my feelings within them, but I can because that’s what writers do. I want my readers to feel what the characters feel. To cry when they do. To even feel that pain in their throat that the characters feel as they lose that one they love, or realize they can never turn back time.

I have discovered that my passion for films and television boosted how I write. I am a visual person, so I love when I can see what I am reading. When I can picture myself in the scene of a book. When I can capture a moment in words and literally feel the emotion searing from the page I know that this book was a great read.

I started writing in college. It began with assignments and it then branched out to poetry and short stories just for fun. I was still focused on movies though. The thing is if it were not for the scriptwriters for those shows and films that I would not feel the need to cry, be mad or laugh. The scriptwriter holds the power to make or break a show. Just like a writer holds the power to make or break a book.

Currently, I have unfinished stories that took over my mind and I am now determined to finish them. I’m making sure that I sit down and dedicate my unused time to proofing and finding a way to get my stories out to those that enjoy reading. I am more of a fiction writer. I love to create unknown beings and generate my own definitions of what they are and how they came to be. This is so I can twist and bend them to whichever direction I want them to go.

This very blog started off as a joke. I was going to critique movies that I saw and books that I read and even throw in a few personal thoughts along the way, but as you can see it’s turned into more! It is now more than I ever thought it would be. I even have blogs for my characters along the right side of the page!

Karah and some of the others have their own blogs. They even have a blog that allows them all to interact. YES! They are all me, but they are characters with their own thoughts and ways of speaking.

So, in closing, I know that it takes a lot of courage to write something and put it out into the world for others to read and either love or hate, but that is what we’re here for. We cater to those minds that love to read and experience new worlds and the thought that we as humans are not alone. That there are supernatural beings and those of other worlds. I just had the need to voice what I think and how I came to be where I am now. I hope that you all continue to read my entries and comment sometimes. And who knows perhaps one day I’ll actually post that my book is going to be published and that my imagination has paid off!



~Nikki Frierson, 2010

Thought of the Day: How Far Would You Go for Love?

How far would you go for love? I don’t know if my distance is unlimited. I think there is a limit for everyone. I was thinking about how people say they’d die for their partner but would they really? Would they really go as far as to die for the other person? Now, I know love is strong, and I also know that I love unconditionally, but as for me giving up my very own life? Uhhhh, yeah, no, I don’t think I would.


I know how to love unconditionally. I know how to accept the things in others that I cannot change. But there are those that think they can change a person for themselves. I realized, by way of thinking about my relationships, that out of all of them I only truly loved twice! Only two times out of my 30 years of living I have loved. Which is a bit crazy when you look at it. How many times have you loved? How many of the relationships that you held were true love? Or were they just true lust? I’ve had a few of those too! LMAO Too many I’d care to admit when I think about it.

I’m rambling I know but between a bit of this rambling I can see the point! Lol…

Love for you, not someone else. Love them even when they don’t love themselves. I’ve done it and I must say that they rewards are sweet, beautiful and most exciting.

Nikki Frierson, 2010

WHAT IT MEANS TO TAKE POSSESSION

I am not vulnerable but I love to submit
I love how you take control of me
You ask me if I like it
You demand that I answer you
You make sure that you hear my answers
How you hold me tells me you want me
Twisting and bending me in ways that I want
You move and move till you hear that sound you like
Till you see that expression that tells you you’re in the right spot
Goddamn that voice
You use that voice because you know I love it
It vibrates within your chest tickling my senses
You know that with your tone I’d do anything you ask
That with those hands on me I’ll get into any position you want
Your body knows that mine will move with it
Move against it
Whether it’s in the bed, on the couch, on the counter or in the car
The man inside you knows the woman within me
You know what I want
You know that any other time I’ll give you shit
But you also know that when it’s time I’ll give you something else
You love it don’t you
You love that thing I do
I like how you shudder when I do as you ask
How you can barely use that voice of yours to make demands
But you still make them don’t you
You still have control of me
And I’ll gladly submit
Each and every time


Nikki Frierson, 2010

MIND GAMES

My imagination tends to run away with me sometimes
So if I picture me being happy, ignore it
Or if I'm smiling because I'm daydreaming of me having zero drama, cast that aside
If I'm talking about a future that you know will never happen, speak up
Cause it's just my imagination, running a away with me
If I tell you one day that you're the love of my life, scoff and go back what you were doing
When we're together I hold your hand and you shrug it off, don't think anything of it
If there is a moment where I want to kiss you in public, turn the other cheek
Cause it's my imagination running around me in circles

Now if you see yourself being happy, ignore it
Or when you catch yourself smiling during your in depth daydream, please cast that aside
And if you begin to talk about the future and instead I talk over you, don't worry about it
Cause It was your imagination to think that when you want these things that I'd freely give them to you
So don't be mad if you tell me that I am the love of your life and I scoff at the idea returning to what I was doing
Or when we're together you take my hand and I intentionally pull away don't allow your heart to hurt
Dont even feel the least bit torn when you reach out to kiss me and I turn away
Don't think anything of it
Cause it was your imagination to think that I would wait until you were ready
It was in your mind that I'd wait till after you got all your needs out and be here when you decided you wanted to be

So sorry
So sad you thought that way
Sometimes our imagination screws us over by the types of games that we play

Now imagine that


©Nikki Frierson, 2010

A LOST LETTER

Dear ....






I believed in you for oh so long. I wanted to have what you showed me in the world. I thought that one day I could have what others had. That I could hold onto that special part of someone and never let go. But you neglected to show me that no matter how hard I held on that they could let go. And take with them that loving part of me. And with that part of who I was. You could have shown me that my heart can't be that strong. Cause now I'm hurting and I've held on to that hurt for so long that I can't let go. That even in the midst of being happy I still hold on to that hurt expecting the worse. I know that as long as I do that this will be my downfall.





Sincerely,

A Shattered Heart



©Nikki Frierson, 2010

GOD'S CREATION

You didn't know

I was made for you

Created by God to stand with you

I was shaped from your rib

Molded by him to be who you need

That's how much I am a part of you

You had to have been very worthy to receive me

Because I am truly blessed to have received you

Yes we have our ups and downs

But without patience and understanding

We would not be able to look pass the negative and see within the positive

I was made for you

I thought for sure you knew

©Nikki Frierson, 2010

She Helped ME to Find YOU

You somehow made her laugh

You are part of conversations and I don't feel hesitant about it

She can sense my true happiness when we talk

There have been no warnings about you

She seems to like you as much as I do

But I'm older now and she trusts my judgment of you

I talk to her about things I never tried to talk about in the past

When it comes to advice about relationships she is my guide

And even when the subject is you she is more acceptable that you mean so much to me

I even hear the change in her voice when we talk on conference calls with you

She's never talked much to any guy I've dated

She's never really liked any of the guys I brought home or didn't

But she hears the realness in your tone

The underlying comfort in your voice

It says something about me, her and you

It says I've grown and from her teaching me I can spot unhealthy relationships before they become a problem

It says that she's comfortable with how she's raised me as a woman and she trusts my choice of you

It even says that she trusts you with her daughter 

That you have done something that no other guy has done

And that's respected her by respecting her daughter

You've made a great shift in my life and it is because you are who you are

She's seen my smile in the pictures and has not questioned it once

She is my mom and I trust her

She is my best friend and I will never allow anyone to take that place

She is my advisor, counselor and mentor

And she is the reason I am the woman I am now

She is the reason I chose a sweet and caring man

She is the reason I chose you

*Thanks Mom*

(Crystal Frierson-Barnes)

©Nikki Frierson, 2010

SHE ALWAYS KNOWS BEST

My mom told me about you.
She told me about how sweet you'd be
How everything you say would have honey dripping from it
Your smile would get me
The way you spoke to me would have me off focus
My mom tried her best to shield me from what you'd do
She said that you were no good
But I was stubborn
Hardheaded
I thought I could prove her wrong
I felt that times had changed and perhaps the way men were also
But she told me
She said that things as common never changed
Her voice was gentle when she explained how you would treat me
How from meeting you one time she knew that I would hurt in the end
But I wouldn't listen
I had to be with you or I thought I was going to die
It wasn't my heart nor was it yours
It was just hormones and that itch that needed to be scratched.
She saw it
She knew it
It stared at her just as plain as day
You would hurt me
And after all my denial and rebellion she stood there
She comforted me and consoled my heart
Even after she proved me wrong
Even after she told me about you


*Thank Mom*
(Crystal Frierson-Barnes)

©Nikki Frierson, 2010

WHAT WOMEN WANT! (MY FREAKIN VERSION)

1. To not wait. We as women know sometimes that you can’t always read our minds when it comes to sex, but you should know that when you make the first move it lets us know that we are wanted. That we are desired in such an intimate way. A guy can never go wrong when he seduces his woman. We want to be seduced and shown that we are sexy and when a you start foreplay it tells us that we are attractive. So men don’t think that women are all for equality and all that liberation crap! Sometimes they want you to make the first move.


2. If you’re going there make sure you know what you’re doing. Now, oral sex is very very very pleasurable but if you’re down there and she’s doing more backing away rather than pulling you into her, then you’re not doing it right. Word of advice, that little bud that sometimes swells after being stimulated is the clit or clitoris, not a button on an X-Box controller. You can’t just press it and think she’ll get an automatic orgasm. It does not work that way. Or when you’re sucking on it like you’re going rabid, that is not really helping your cause either. It should be stroked gently by your tongue and lightly sucked on. Not like you’re a damn Dyson vacuum. Also there is more than the clit that gets her off. You must also realize that there is an opening down there that has nerve endings that have been heightened dramatically during this foreplay. Women don’t really care to tell you what to do because if you’re down there you should know already BUT and I cannot stress this enough, BUT if you are not doing it right they we will let you know. Also, don’t put all your focus on that. As you’re pleasing her, allow your hands to touch her. This lets her know that it’s not all about you devouring her goods, but about how she feels while you’re pleasuring her. How you love the softness of her thighs and her hips. Even reaching and caressing her breast will show her that you are focusing on her as a woman. And you may get a pleasure in return. Women love to please just as much as they’ve been pleasured. When done right.

4. Be aggressive. B-E aggressive. Not that I really have to explain this one but I think I will anyway. (It is my favorite. SMHL) Now, showing how much of a lover you are is sweet. Soft touches is good. Gentle tugs of our hair. But there are those times where we want our hair pulled. Our asses slapped not smacked. We like to take charge (I do), BUT we LOVE it when a man takes over. When you flip us, twist us, and bend us into positions we’ve never been in we become more turned on. We love it. There maybe those few women that don’t like it. GET A NEW GIRL! (just kidding) But honestly, women love it when a man tried new things and is aggressive when doing it. Just not too rough. Don’t almost kill the woman. Again unless she is into that. (Not me.) And as much as they deny it women love for a man to put his all into his moves. To make sure she feels it. Yeah, let me get off this subject ASAP. SMHL.

4. Be vocal. No matter what you think women want to hear you. Not just you moaning and groaning to every stroke, but saying actual words. “Fuck me!” “Harder!” “Faster!” “More!” “Don’t stop!” “Oh shit!” “Suck it!” “Damn you feel good.” These are the base demands and comments when it comes to being verbal in bed, or car, or couch, or where ever you two decide to get it on. Once you are comfortable with those simple ones and you get a feel of her answers then you can add to your dictionary. It’s a fact that women are vocal no matter what. Our moans and demands heightened your want to give us just what we request. Thanks for catching on so quickly. So open your mouth and talk to us. We do like it.

5. Returning the favor. Don’t really care what your woman says, nine times out of ten she’s performed oral sex on a man before! And if she’s doing it right she has orgasm from pleasuring you. I’m just keeping it 100. But that does not mean that she won’t take instruction from you either. She wants to know what you like. The mission (and there are those that accept it), is to get you to orgasm or on the brink of one. Not all women swallow so don’t get mad if she moves just before ending with a hand job for the finish. She’s not ready for that yet. (Not many are.) Women will try and figure you out and most of the time they already know how to make you go mad and have your eyes in the back of your head, but she’s wanting to please you so tell her what you want. (Goes back to being vocal)

6. Seeing is believing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, women masturbate so if she says she don’t she’s lying. And we know you guys are lying. It’s a part of human nature. We explore our bodies to know what we like and what we don’t like. But this is not all about you being alone when you do it. This is about allowing her to see you. Watching a man pleasure himself is a great turn on. It shows how you want to be handled. It sets off something within a woman that makes her antsy and wanting to touch. It’s temptation for her. She wants to touch you but cant she wants to pleasure you but cant. And vice versa, she will tempt you but you can’t touch her. She’ll show you if she wants her nipples pinched, plucked, or sucked. And you’ll almost die from watching her because, again, you’ll want to touch her. And cant. You’ll want to do everything she’s doing to herself but you can’t. Right down to where her hand has trailed to and what it’s doing. But you can't.

7. Afterwards. If you guys know what it was. A fling, a one-nighter, then okay. But realize before that any kind of sexual encounter has an emotional bind to it. Women have to like you to give it to you. Emotion is not always love so do always think that she’s going to fall in love. But to those that are into their partners afterglow is the best. For a man to hold his woman after it tells her that you are there with her. That you were there with her the entire time. Not just physically but mentally and emotionally. To be held afterwards seals whatever type of relationship you have. Coming down from that orgasmic high together, beside each other is the shit. (LOL) No better way to sum it up! It is the highlight of the “after”. Don’t just get up and head to the shower. It’s not nice (mean face). Stick around for a few minutes. She’s probably already bitten you (I do bite) so the biting part is over and done with. But again if the two of you are adult enough to up and leave the scene then okay.

HE WAS NOT OF ME

I saw them in the store

Their eyes

Their smile

The way they bit their nail contemplating their choice of whether to get Froot Loops or Cheerios

Right down to the angle of their nose when sheer joy ran over their face

Then it hit me

They look just like you

The sound of their small voice resonated the same tone

Their eyebrows furrowed over their bright chocolates just like yours

Even that quirky little stare that you give when you’re deep in thought was theirs

I noticed she noticed me looking at them

I meant no offense I was just shocked in place

She approached me and asked me my problem

I simply said “no problem. None whatsoever. Your son is so beautiful.”

With that she smiled, thanks me and went back to him

I would have walked away

I would have never gave it a second thought

That was till she said his name

The same as yours

That was your son

The young boy that had to have been at least four

My mind began to race

It began to calculate dates and times

Moments where you were gone

Days when you had ‘something’ to do

I felt my heart stop as he chuckled

He laughed your laugh

He laughed the laugh that our child was supposed to have

He had the features that I wanted our son to have

You took that from me

As they walked away I saw what you had not created with me

You decided on your own that we together were not worthy of that

That I was not worth even creating something as precious as your child

I saw him

You can’t deny that he’s not yours

There is nothing you can say that will justify why and how he was conceived and born within the time of our marriage

But I can say this

I forgive you

I forgive you for your ignorance

I forgive you for your stupidity

But I will not forget

I will not forget your cold-heartedness

I will not forget your face when I told you

That I went because I felt different

That I speculated but wanted to be sure

I will not forget how I wanted to bring you a joy I thought no one else would

But that was done wasn’t it

You had experienced that with someone else and it was not with me

So it’s over

I’m leaving

And I’m taking the fact that on that day I found out I was pregnant

That on that day I had planned to make you dinner and tell you

That all because I had forgotten something I had to go back

And because I wanted to make your heart whole on that day you make my heart break

THE SHARED WORDS OF A MOTHER AND DAUGHTER

You held me when I needed you, as I did for you
When I was unable to do for myself you were there, as I was there for you
When my words were not so clear you spoke for me, as I proudly spoke for you
You made decisions for me when I could not, and I humbly made decisions for you
As time passed I understood you more than you'd ever know
Your personality meshed with mine and we were of the same cloth
You protected me when I was in harms way, and when needed I did the same for you
We shared so much
Still we share so much
The love that only a mother can give to her daughter
And the love only a daughter can give to her mother
But today
This day
We share something that maybe small to others but to us is so much bigger
On this day, the seventh day of the ninth month we share the words
Happy Birthday my lovely daughter
Happy Birthday my beautiful mother, I will always love you



This poem is dedicated to Ms. Casandra Hardee and her mother Ms. Blondie L. Hardee, who although is not with her physcially is always with her spiritually and mentally.

There is no relationship like the one between a mother and daughter. A mother teaches her daughter to be great woman. To show no fear when faced with the problems of the world. To know how to give her weight to the Lord and let him handle it. She also gives her that little bit of attitude when needed but not too much. "Respect yourself first" is what they say to you.

A daughter takes the teachings she's learned and instills them in her children creating a never ending cycle of her legacy. Each one taking a piece of who she was, no, of who she is, and building from that foundation. A relationship this precious should never be taken lightly. Never be taken for granted.

I wish Ms. Sandy and even though I never had the pleasure, her mother, a Happy Birthday.


Nikki Frierson

I FOUND IT...

Dear, 

I thought that what we had was special. I was sure that we were going to go further with this. That you and I would be making plans together. That after we made it through this we would finally see the finish line. I don't blame you and I don't blame myself, but I do wish that it would not have ended the way that it did. I didn't mean to make you mad and storm from the house. I was so stubborn that I didn't follow you out the door and make you finish having your say but I thought you were coming back. I knew in my heart that you were going to turn around, come back and say that you were wrong and I was right, but you didn't. You didn't come back. Sweetheart you left me that day I know you had every intent to return and after we had calmed down we would hold each other and apologize for every word we said to hurt one another.

But you didn't return. I waited for you the entire night and figured you needed more time than usual. When the phone rang I assumed it was you saying that you were on your way home. That you had called to say that no matter what you loved me. That no matter the subject you would always return home. But it wasn't you. It was a stranger. A woman on the other line. Her voice was calm when she spoke her piece. As i fell to my knees I felt my heart break. The air abandoned my body and I was left gasping. Ciutching the phone I listened to every word.

I listened as she explained what she had done and how no matter how much she tried you left her too. Once she was finished I left the phone on the floor and curled into a ball. I held myself like I knew you would. I tried to think of the things that you would have said to soothe my pain but it wasnt the same. It would never be the same. Will never be the same.

Just think sweetheart, if only we had not argued you would have been here with me. But that day you got into your car you had no idea that there would be another car headed towards you. You never thought that you would ever see me again. We thought that it would be the same as always. You'd leave and come back calm. We'd say we were sorry and hold each other. Not this time. This time you left and didn't come back. Now I'm here in this bed with pillows behind me and our son in my arms crying. They said that the accident was not your fault. That the oncoming car was in the wrong lane and to not hit them you hit a tree instead. My heart aches every time I pass it and we placed a marker there with your name on it. 

You will always hold my heart like no other. Your love was, no is like no other. I pray that you and I will see each other again, but for now all I can do is go on raising our son and letting him know that his father was a great man. Full of strength, laughter and love. I know these things because you showed me everyday that we were together. 

I want you to know that after you left me that day I had found your ring. It was on the floor beside the nightstand. The same nightstand you said you had paced it on the night before.

I DREAMED OF YOU

Did I ever tell you that I dreamed of you.
You were gentle
Your voice was low and rough
I held you in my arms
The heat from you warmed me to my core
I heard your heart
The beat was a song that I'd never heard before
I caught your scent
You smelled of funnel cakes and cinnamon
I saw your smile
The sun had nothing on it
You touched my thoughts
You became part of my way of living
I saw the good in you
Something that I'd never seen before

I thought sure I told you I dreamed of you.
No?
Well, now you know.
You now know that no one has ever gotten to me the way you have
That no one can has ever had the pleasure of being inside my head
You know now that you have a hold on me that no one else can say they ever had
And you should also know that that same hold does not come without rules

You are to always share your heart with me
Continue to use that voice I love so much
To warm me with the heat that flows so freely from you to me
You are to let me listen to that strong song that your heart plays every night
Allow me to try and taste that sweet cinnamon that permeates from you
You are to light my way with that smile when darkness threatens to shadow us
To enter my mind whenever or whenever needed
But most of all you are to show me the good that is within
Show me what makes you you

So there
I've told you about my dream
My dream of you

Now if I could only see your face.

©Nikki Frierson, 2010

WE CAN DO IF THE OTHER IS WILLING.

Okay, I know it's not just me that thinks when your man treats you right and gives you the respect you deserve that there is basically nothing you would not do for him. And if you're reading this throwing your nose up at it then I know for a fact that YOU'RE guilty of doing just that.

You may ask what got me thinking of this right? Well I was listening to Destiny's Child's "Cater to U" and realized that I'd do those things for my man if he was worthy. And it does not take money or cars to gain that kind of worthiness.

Baby I See You Working Hard

I Want To Let You Know I'm Proud,

Let You Know That I Admire What You Do

The More If I Need To Reassure You,

My Life Would Be Purposeless Without You (Yeah)

If I Want It (Got It)

When I Ask You (You Provide It)

You Inspire Me To Be Better

You Challenge Me For The Better

Sit Back And Let Me Pour Out My Love Letter

Now, the first verse of this song says it all. He works hard so be proud of him. It's not wrong to admire your man if he's doing what he can to keep you guys happy. So in turn do something that will make him smile. And trust me, you dont have to go out and buy something big for a man for him to feel appreciated. The things they list: brushing his hair, a massage, cook him dinner (something he loves to eat). And hell, hand him the remote and let him go crazy. But if you're like me (not), you'd grab the X-Box, PS3, or Wii controller and join in playing the game with him. And after you've beat him then you must give him a BIG hug for being such a good sport after his loss. (LOL)What? There are us females that love to play video games just as much as the guys. You are his best friend, sometimes you have to do things that best friends do and not just couples. Be his friend. Allow him to be yours. But those are just some of the things that not only make  him smile but show him that he has someone at home that appreciates him. Someone that will stick beside him when shit gets tough. That they wont just run out at the first sign of turmoil. Because sometimes your man maybe going through something that he feels like he cant talk about. You have to let him know that you're not only there for when he laughs but also when his light is not at it's brightest. Men don't understand that there are some women that want to help them through bad times as well as being there for the good. Those women are called "Ride or Die Chicks." They are a rare breed but they do exist. They will stand by, if not try to take the front, when their man (or partner) needs them.

Now I know what the ladies are thinking "Well what about them supporting us?" I know that they should support us also. And there are those "R.O.D. Men" also. There are those that will knock a person out with a left hook and wake them up with the right for his woman. So don't think this topic is about bashing the female specimen it's not. It's about equality. I think that we as women have become so offended by the bull that men have done to us in the past that we don't think that the current man (after the asshole) deserves to be pampered the same as we should. I used to think that way. I used to think if I'm going to give him a massage then hell, he should be getting his hands ready to give me one right after. Tit for tat. But it's not always about what you get out of every situation. We women are strong, determined and unflinching when it comes to protecting ourselves and our children. We think that since the man is the "man" then he should not be offended or anything we say and do should not affect them. That's where we are wrong. Men have a very different way of acting out their hurt.

When men are hurt by their woman they retaliate by going out and finding another woman during their sulking. After you've scarred their ego they have to go out and find someone to soothe the offense we used. And in some cases, which should not happen but so, they will react by hitting the woman. That settles nothing, but again, it's what happens. Women are now found beating on their men. Rare but it is happening and neither are right. My point is you don't know how it really hurts them when you say something to hurt them. Its the same pain and feeling of uselessness as if they'd have said it to you. And there is that saying "Sticks and stone may break my bones but words will never hurt me." Yeah right! They hurt, as a matter of fact they hurt worse than if your partner had hit you.

I've changed a great deal I think when it comes to how I should treat the next man in my life. I used to always think the worse of each guy because of what the previous guy had done. But I was only hurting the potential that the next man had. I'm at a point in my life where I've become more comfortable with not just writing my words down but now voicing them. It says a lot about who I now am as a person. As a potential partner. As a woman.

This is not a rant it was merely a small entry about a never ending topic. Men and women should treat each other with equal respect. And there should be times when the other should think of something to do that will make the other smile. Just let them see that they are on your mind cause to be honest with you the entire time I was writing this I thought of Allen. =) He is my friend and I appreciate him being around at this point in my life. He's my STINKY. And only he knows what that means.

So, in closing, love him, love her. LOVE EACH OTHER.

©Nikki Frierson, 2010

MAKING IT WORK

Be sure to tell them how you feel at all times.

Never claim to know everything because nine times out of ten you don't know they are about to leave you

Always prepare yourself for the best and not the worse

Maintain a positive attitude and things will go smoother than you anticipated

Make time for yourself as well as them. It just keeps you balanced within that balance of you and them

Be honest no matter what

Don't put yourself in that situation which will hurt them because it happens more than ever

And always ALWAYS make sure that your heart is beating.

©Nikki Frierson, 2010

SAME PLACE

You left me here but I have not moved
I remained where you last saw me
Where you thought you had to disrespect me in order to feel good about yourself
I laugh now at it but at that time I was pissed
You did your shit and thought it was cool
Where is the cool in fucking every female you saw and ending up hurting us both
How fucking cool was it when I coudn't have a relationship with another because of bullshit you pulled
Now I was so wound up that if a guy tried to get close I'd either push him away or take a step back.
But I thank you
I thank you for doing what you did because I learned a great deal
I learned to trust myself more and never allow anyone to manipulate me ever again
But you left me here and though I have not moved I have grown in ways you couldn't have imagined


©Nikki Frierson, 2010

Perhaps I'm Dreaming.

I always thought of adult life as the "thing". You know, growing up, driving, clubbing, dating. sex. all those things that now you look back on and say uhhhh maybe I should have waited. Sometimes I laugh and say "man can I go back to college?" or "How about turning back to high school." You look back on your life and wonder if you made the right choices or are you still screwing up your live even more. I used to do that till I realized that my life is not my own. No matter what I have planned in my head if that is not part of God's plan for me then it will not happen.

I grew up despising marriage. I never wanted it. Too much drama. Arguing all the time about small things that were of no consequence in the long run. I didn't want kids because I did not want to subject them to bullshit and the pain and anger that I grew up having. Never know me to have that mentality now would you? Because I learned that I can laugh and smile and do whatever the hell I wanted. I have two precious girls that I would die for. I have a great mom that I would take out anyone who'd harm her (yes, family included). I have a baby sister that is growing up to be a great young woman (minus some of her crazy choices. LOL) And way back when I had a friend that I thought was going to be my husband but that didn't work out as planned. It seems that when you are always with someone when you are finally apart for more than a few months you start to re-think your future. But I see now that he would not have made me as happy as I am with the guy that I talk to now. No, he and I are not serious right now, but that does not change that he makes me smile in a day. It does not change the fact that he respects me for who I am and what I want to do.

It goes to show you that no matter what you plan for yourself when you're young and dumb 'thinking' you're smart, that may not be the path that you're supposed to take. You are probably going to go into an entirely different direction. So my advice today is look forward. Don't let things stress you to where they cloud the light from your life. Allow those around you that are willing to make you smile do just that. See that they are there for you when you need them. And make no mistake that your life is not on the path you chose but the one that God chose before you were ever created.

Much love to those out in the world today. I hope that you gain more knowledge than you had the day before. And make sure to tell those close to you how much they mean to you. Life is short. Dont hold off till tomorrow, but it is definitely not promised to you.

Nikki

THE SWEETEST THING

WHEN YOU KNOW YOU'LL HEAR FROM THEM
WHEN YOU SMILE FROM THE THOUGHT OF THEM
WHEN YOU HAVE NO DOUBT ABOUT HOW AND WHAT YOU FEEL
WHEN YOU CAN'T HELP BUT THINK OF THEM
WHEN THEY KNOW THAT THESE WORDS ARE ABOUT THEM


THE SWEETEST THINGS ARE SOMETIMES ALREADY KNOWN




©NIKKI FRIERSON, 2010

MY VACATION!

I recently took a trip to New Jersey to see my sweetie Mr. Allen "My Stinky" Byrom. I had not seen in 10 yes count'em ten years! I lucked up and found him on Facebook!  I never thought I hear let along SEE him again. He was very much close to me then as he is now. I cant explain it and if I never can I wont be mad. All I know is he is my best friend and I cherish that more than anything. Here are a few pics from my trip. Just a few because I'd be here all night posting if I had to upload them all.

I also would like to thank his family and friends for welcoming me. They are all great loving people and I had a blast! Even if Allen felt he should have been able to do more. Sometimes small gestures are better than big ones.

ALLEN AND I! ALWAYS HIDING HIS SMILE.

 

WE WERE BOTH A LITTLE TIPSY! OKAY OKAY SO I WAS A LOT TIPSY! LOL...NEITHER ONE OF US REMEMBER TAKING THIS PIC! HA..I LOVE IT THO!

LOOK AT MY BABY CHEESIN! WHAT WAS I THINKING THOUGH? GOTTA LOVE A TALL MAN RIGHT? YEEEEAAHHHHH! LOL

AFTER WE ATE. HE REALLY CAN COOK! GOOD I MAY NOT ALWAYS WANT TO! 

AT A FRIEND'S FAMILY COOK OUT! 

NOT EVEN PAYING ATTENTION. LOL...I'M STILL SNAPPIN AWAY!

AT PINE STREET PARK WHERE HE PLAYS BASKETBALL EVERY SUNDAY WITH FAM AND FRIENDS. HIS DAUGHTER JAHAZEL TOOK THIS PIC. 

HE SWEAR HE SEXY AS HELL! HE IS, BUT I WONT TELL HIM THAT! AWWWW MY STINKY!

ME GETTING READY TO LEAVE FROM PHILLY AIRPORT! DIDNT REALLY WANT TO LEAVE BUT HAD TO WORK THE NEXT DAY! MISS YOU SWEETIE!

HER PROMISE

When I met you I didn't think I could smile so much in a day. When you held me I didn't think I could feel so at home in another's arms. And when you said how you felt about me I couldn't think at all.

I thought about how to say this. How get my point across. But there is so much I don't know where to begin. So I'll just say it all.

When I'm with you nothing else matters. The drama out there in the world? Gone. The stress from my job? Gone. The bills that have to be paid? Vacant from my thoughts. The absolute fact that even just the thought of you makes my day brighter is an understatement. You warm my days and comfort me through my nights. It amazes me still how much I feel for you. I used to think I was out of my mind and was not thinking clearly but I was. I am. I know exactly what I feel. I feel that you are my best friend. You are the person I know when I come to you you wont judge me or try and make your thoughts my own. You respect my opinion and in return I respect yours. You are the person I would fight for. Stand up to anyone and anything that would or could harm you.

I, on this day, promise to never belittle you. To never deter you from your dreams. To support your decisions. OUR decisions. Today I promise to continue to be your best friend. The one that has your back no matter what. I promise to be your lover the one that will hold you every night. And ever if we have a disagreement we will not go to sleep angry. We will not allow others outside our bond to break it.

Usually to say these words it would have taken a death threat but when the subject is you my words flow freely. They have no end. And even though I could say the usual words that everyone has heard I decided that my words, the words that I are my thoughts of you are better than any others. I hope that you understand how much I care for you. How much you mean to me. That no matter what happens I will be here for you.

Forever and always.

THE REASON MY LIFE IS FILLED WITH LAUGHTER

AKNARIAH AND HER BAND OF FRIENDS. (4TH OF JULY 2010)

ALEXANDRIA WITH HER SILLY SELF! LOL...THOSE GUYS WERE NOT WORTHY SOOOOO THEY HAD TO GO!

YOU THINK YOU KNOW!

You thought that money would keep me with you, but you had no idea. You didn't think about what I needed from you. You only thought about what you wanted from me.


To allow someone within your heart and take up residence there it's like moving into a new home. There are things to be discovered and new aspects to look forward to. The walls were bare and blank. They were waiting to be painted reds and browns and blues. Colors that represent the love and respect that we are to share together. Every piece of furniture that is placed within those walls are part of who we are. The bed?Our dedication to one another. Our sofa? The laughter we are to share with family and friends. And the dining room? The place we are to watch our family flourish.


It was easy for you to tear down what we made because you never cared. You never thought about what would happen if you smiled at her or if she touched your hand. You never planned on meeting her and one-by-one, brick-by-brick destroying our home. Destroying our love. Destroying OUR heart.


You thought that money would keep me with you, but you had no idea. You didn't think about what I needed from you. You only thought about what you wanted from me.


You wanted someone you could come home to every night to and leave your discretions outside the front door. You thought that the stench of her perfume and the sweat from what you did with her would not taint our bed. You never thought that I would know. You figured that materialistic things would keep me oblivious to your adultery and dishonesty. But it didn't.


You see, while you were thinking about how to keep me from knowing I knew it all. I knew that one day you'd see that I loved you. That on that day I cared for you. That even without the home we built and you tried to tear down,  that I would be there for you. The vow I took was simple yet hard at the same time.


I vowed to love you. To honor  you. To cherish you. Till death do us part. And I will.




Forgiveness is a hard thing to achieve. But to forget? That is impossible.






©Nikki Frierson, 2010